


Finding Family

by Awesome_Sauce432



Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series)
Genre: 5 AU, Alternate Universe, Assorted Other Characters Appear, Citrina's Alive, Dimension 20 Big Bang, Fluff, Gen, Growing Into Your Family, Just Roll With It, Language Barrier, Saccharina Meets The Rocks Family At Age 10, Saccharina We Are Going To Get You Some Family Love, Sapphria's Alive, The Twins Are Cute, religious trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:33:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28161720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awesome_Sauce432/pseuds/Awesome_Sauce432
Summary: It was four years after the Ravening War ended before Princess Sapphria set out to the Dairy Islands to find Catherine Ghee. The other agents she’d sent had come up empty-handed, but she refused to give up.It was another year of periods of searching interrupted by time at home before she finally located her. After twenty minutes of looking at a gravestone, and a long conversation with an old priest, she left.And finally, it was two more months before she walked into a small nunnery hidden away in one of the most remote islands and asked to see one Saccharina Ghee.------In an alternate universe where the Ravening War turned out differently for the Rocks family, Saccharina is discovered and brought to Candia long before Gustavo Uvano is killed and Calorum is plunged into conflict once again. But this story is just about how a young girl used to nothing but bad things manages to find the love, family and acceptance she has always wanted. For good this time.
Relationships: Saccharina Frostwhip & Sapphria Rocks, Saccharina Frostwhip & The Rocks Family
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36
Collections: Dimension 20 Big Bang





	Finding Family

**Author's Note:**

> hi this is my super indulgent AU where sapphria and citrina are alive (sorry amethar you're not), citrina is queen and married to caramelinda and the twins still exist because i say so and saccharina is brought to candia at age 10 because i want her to have happiness. it's part of a wider AU that i created with my girlfriend and we care about it very much. we have a lore doc. it's 100 pages long have fun if you want to know more, though this story is more of a prequel of sorts sdfsdfsf: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1a6r5CagOTPl8I4HAxtJzvpiV2j-jmZpumIEAissUurw/edit?usp=sharing
> 
> in conclusion stan the 5 au

It was four years after the Ravening War ended before Princess Sapphria set out to the Dairy Islands to find Catherine Ghee. The other agents she’d sent had come up empty-handed, but she refused to give up. 

It was another year of periods of searching interrupted by time at home before she finally located her. After twenty minutes of looking at a gravestone, and a long conversation with an old priest, she left. 

And finally, it was two more months before she walked into a small nunnery hidden away in one of the most remote islands and asked to see one Saccharina Ghee.

An air of tension hung around the entire place like a blanket, and even though Sapphria saw some children running around playing, smiling and laughing, she also saw how they would shrink away from nuns as they passed by, pulling one another to somewhere away from their eyes. 

The first nun she’d asked had simply blinked at her when she’d said Saccharina’s name.

“S-saccharina?” She stammered. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Sapphria frowned. “Why is that such a surprise?”

She saw the nun look at her from head to toe, taking in the modest but undoubtedly not-peasantry garb, the gold necklace with the symbol of Candia around her neck, the seriousness of her expression. 

“Um- I’ll show you to the Mother Superior.” 

Sapphria suspected something strange was going on here, and that was only confirmed once she was brought into the office of the Mother Superior. 

“Saccharina Ghee?” The Mother Superior stared at her. “No, you must be mistaken.”

“I assure you, I never am,” Sapphria said. “I’m here to see her, and take her home if she so wishes.” 

“Saccharina Ghee is-” The Mother Superior looked away from a moment, her hands behind her back. “She’s a dangerous child.”

“From all I know of her, she can’t be older than ten,” Sapphria said sharply, what little goodwill she had towards this woman quickly melting away. “And I would like to meet her myself before I make any judgments on her character.” 

There was a tense moment of silence, and the Mother Superior stared at her. If Sapphria wanted, she could simply tell her point-blank she was a Princess of Candia and she _demanded_ to see Saccharina, and they would be hard-pressed to do anything to stop her, but she didn’t. There were enough clues about her for them to figure it out if they didn’t recognise her on sight, and based on how her interactions with them had gone thus far, she didn’t mind letting them squirm.

“I… will call for her.” 

“I would like to meet her by myself, actually,” Sapphria said. “If you could show me to her room, or wherever she might be right now, that would be wonderful.” 

“I-” The Mother Superior’s face tightened, but she nodded, before looking at the nun that had brought Sapphria here. “Make sure Saccharina is in her room.” 

The nun hurried off so quickly that Sapphria suspected that wherever Saccharina was right now, it was somewhere they did not want her to see. The longer Sapphria spent in this place, the more she began to regret not coming out to the Dairy Islands herself sooner. 

The Mother Superior led her across the nunnery, far away from where the other children were playing. They passed some dormitories where Sapphria could see a few children sitting or playing quietly, but they didn’t stop there, continuing on until they finally came to a stop outside a wooden door at the back of the nunnery.

“It’s locked,” Sapphria noted aloud. 

The Mother Superior seemed entirely off-guard, as if Sapphria were a ghost suddenly come to life. “Well- the child is dangerous and unruly.”

“She’s a child,” Sapphria said. “And this door is locked.” 

“You don’t understand some of the things she’s done, they’re… not of the Bulb.” The Mother Superior lamely pulled out a key, and Sapphria was quiet, mulling over everything she’d seen and heard thus far, ideas already forming in her head.

But she pushed them aside for now, focusing on the main goal as the door was unlocked and the Mother Superior pushed it open. 

Inside was a small room, with a tiny window overlooking the sea. All of the furniture was about the same quality as everything else inside the nunnery, but Sapphria noticed a few drawings on the walls, on top of other, faded drawings that appeared to have been nearly scrubbed off.

Sitting on the bed with her legs crossed and a suspicious look on her face, was a young girl. She had mint-green skin, multicoloured hair, and a face that immediately reminded Sapphria of her brother when he had pouted as a child.

Her face grew defiant when the door opened, but when Sapphria took a step forward it shifted to confusion. There was a moment of silence, and the young girl just stared. She wore an old and oft-mended dress, and her curly hair was loosely held back, with a few wisps in front of her ears, and Sapphria could already tell it hadn’t been taken care of as it should’ve been.

Sapphria cleared her throat, speaking in Lacra. “Saccharina Ghee?” 

There was a quiet nod.

“My name is Sapphria Rocks-” Sapphria opened her mouth to continue, but was interrupted by a loud gasp. Saccharina jumped off the bed, darting a couple of steps forward to the middle of the room before stopping, her hands curled into tight fists, her eyes wide. 

“You’re from Candia.” She whispered, stunned, before her voice became a little louder. “You’re the princess!” 

Sapphria felt herself smile a little for the first time since she stepped foot on this island, nodding. Behind her, just outside the room, she could feel the Mother Superior staring, eyes going back and forth between Sapphria and Saccharina. 

“I knew it. I knew it, I knew it!” Saccharina sucked in a deep breath, fidgeting like she didn’t know what to do with herself. “You’re coming to take me away, right? You are?”

“If you want to come with me.”

“Yes!” Saccharina nodded frantically, looking around the room. “I can go right now!” 

“This is-” The Mother Superior began to stammer, and Sapphria tilted her head towards her.

“Are there any problems?” She asked, a silky smooth smile on her face. 

“Your-” The Mother Superior cleared her throat and straightened up a little. “Your Highness, with all due respect, you don’t understand. This child is a danger. She needs to stay here-”

Sapphria’s brow furrowed, and in the corner of her eye, she saw Saccharina deflate where she stood, the burst of energy fading until her hands were stiff by her side and her face was scrunched up in anger and disappointment. 

“Mother Superior, I think I can decide what’s best for my niece,” Sapphria said before the nun could say anything else. “And my family and I want her home.” 

The Mother Superior’s face tightened, and Sapphria turned her back to her, going back to face Saccharina. “Is there anything you’d like to collect? Anyone to say goodbye to?” 

“No,” Saccharina said, more subdued than she’d been before. “I’m ready to go _now.”_

“Then we can go,” Sapphria said, stepping aside so that Saccharina could leave the room, leaving the dead silent Mother Superior behind. 

They walked side by side back to Sapphria’s boat, and she saw how Saccharina puffed her chest out, pointedly making eye contact with some of the nuns and other children that saw them walk past. Sapphria heard whispers, mostly wondering who she was, a few guessing she was Candian, others expressing disbelief that _Saccharina_ was actually leaving. Saccharina didn’t say anything during the walk, just held her head high with her lower lip jutting out ever so slightly. 

Once they got onto the ship, Sapphria took Saccharina to her quarters, asking one of the sailors to bring up some food.

“Are you hungry?” She asked. Saccharina shook her head slowly, but when the sailor returned with a small assortment of food, it didn’t take long for her to start digging in. 

Sapphria removed the travelling cloak she’d been wearing, letting it drop on her bed and sitting down at a table with Saccharina, smiling easily. “Well, I think now is the time for official greetings. Saccharina Ghee, I’m your aunt Sapphria. It is an absolute pleasure to finally meet you. I just wish it could’ve been sooner.” 

“You’ve been looking for me this whole time?” Saccharina asked a little warily. 

“Well, first we were trying to find your mother,” Sapphria said carefully, picking up an apple slice. “Your father never told us exactly where they met, unfortunately.”

“Did you find my mother?” Saccharina’s voice was quiet, mixed with hope and uncertainty. “Did she tell you where to find me?”

Sapphria glanced away for a moment, exhaling. “I’m sorry, Saccharina. Your mother passed away.”

Saccharina stared at her, as if searching for evidence of a lie (she wouldn’t have found any, even if Sapphria _had_ been lying), before dropping her gaze to the plate. “Oh.” 

“I know where she’s buried, if you would like to visit on the way back to Candia,” Sapphria said softly. “It was peaceful, I was told. About five years ago.”

“I…” Saccharina’s voice trailed off. “I don’t know.” 

“We can always come back another time,” Sapphria said. “Though before we get to Candia, we need to stop in Lacramor to restock, that will take a week or two of sailing. So we have plenty of time for us to get to know each other.” 

Saccharina glanced up at her curiously, and Sapphria tried to look as reassuring as possible. She wasn’t the kind of motherly figure her sister was, but she liked to consider herself good with kids. 

“What did the Mother Superior tell you about me?” Saccharina finally asked, and Sapphria paused for a moment, not caught off-guard, but quietly a little sad. She’d tried not to have expectations about how her mission to find Catherine Ghee, and then Saccharina would go, but she had hoped it would’ve been a little happier than what had actually transpired. 

“She told me a great many things that I suspect aren’t true,” Sapphria said neutrally. “Why don’t you tell me about yourself instead? I think it would be much more accurate than going off of anyone else’s knowledge.” 

Saccharina’s eyes widened slightly, and she shifted on her chair for a moment. “Um, well, I’m ten.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful. When’s your Saint’s Day?” 

“The twentieth of Frostdawn.” Sapphria made a show of pulling out her notebook and writing that down, and the corner of Saccharina’s mouth curled up, and when she continued, she was a little more confident. 

“I always knew my father was the prince, my mother told me so, so- I knew you’d find me eventually, even, even after I heard that my father was dead I still thought you’d come to find me.” 

Sapphria nodded. “If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s finding things and people. Especially where my family is involved.” 

“And- and-” Saccharina bit her lip, seeming to psych herself up for a moment before continuing. “I can do things. And I used to- see… Lazuli. Aunt Lazuli.” 

Sapphria froze.

“You see Lazuli?” 

“I _used_ to, but- yeah. I could see her in mirrors and reflections and the nuns always said I was _lying,_ but I wasn’t!” 

“I believe you,” Sapphria said, shaking her head to loosen the cobwebs in her brain. It had been far too long since she had truly been caught by surprise. “That’s incredible. Did you ever see- Rococoa or Amethar?”

Saccharina shook her head, fidgeting with some of the cheese cubes on the plate. 

“And… you can’t see her anymore?”

Saccharina looked down, shaking her head again. “No. But… I can still do stuff. Like, magic stuff.”

“The nuns trained you in magic?” Sapphria frowned, because that kind of statement was nonsensical even as she said it, and Saccharina scoffed a little.

“No. They didn’t like me doing magic. But I can still do it. And I’m really good! I can make lightning, and move the ocean around, and cool stuff!” 

“They didn’t allow you to do magic?” Sapphria asked carefully, and when Saccharina shook her head, Sapphria paused for a moment before continuing. “Did they hurt you for it?” 

Saccharina’s face tightened, her hands curling around the cheese cubes so tightly they were being squished, her eyes flickering down. “Um, yes. I mean, usually, they’d just lock me in my room or make me do prayers or not give me my dinner or… stuff.” 

“I see,” Sapphria said, her voice becoming more solemn. “In any case, I apologise on behalf of Candia for taking so long to find you. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way, and I can assure you that it will not happen again.” 

She nodded somberly towards Saccharina, the young girl looking at her with wide eyes like she didn’t know what to make of it. It was a bit of a heavier first conversation than Sapphria had expected.

“We have a long trip to Lacramor,” Sapphria said, smiling wanly at the girl sitting across from her. “Why don’t I introduce you to the crew?” 

* * *

On the third day or so, she began to settle down, the reality of the situation perhaps finally hitting her. And in the place of initial excitement and exhilaration, Sapphria saw unease.

“What is the rest of your- my family like?” She asked, peering over the edge of the ship and watching the milk splash against it. “Like, um, the Queen?” 

“My sister?” Sapphria asked, and Saccharina nodded. 

Sapphria paused for a moment, thinking of the best way to describe her. “She is perhaps the kindest person you will ever meet.”

“And she follows the Bulb, doesn’t she?” 

“She does.” 

Saccharina’s face tightened a little, her expressions unusually schooled for most children her age but still plain as day for someone as experienced as Sapphria. She waited to see if she would ask a follow-up question, but when she didn’t, she cleared her throat. “And Queen Caramelinda is very intelligent. And of course, there are the twins.” 

Saccharina glanced up. “The princesses?”

Sapphria nodded. “They had their very first Saint’s Day about five months ago. They love meeting new people.”

“Really?”

“Oh, of course. You’ll love them, and they’ll love you, I’m sure.”

“They’re… my cousins.”

“Yes. Ruby’s a big hugger, once she gets ahold of you she might not let go.” Sapphria smiled. It had been a few months since she’d seen her youngest nieces and the rest of her family, one of her longest trips out since the end of the war. “Jet can be a bit fussier, or she was the last time I saw her. So don’t take it personally if she decides she doesn’t like you at first, she’ll come around.” 

“Can they speak Lacra?” Saccharina asked. “You speak it really good, but, uh… I don’t know any Candian or Fructerano or...”

“Well, it is a good idea for a diplomat to be able to communicate with the people I’m negotiating with,” Sapphria said, humming to herself. “But Citrina and Caramelinda are both alright at Lacra. Enough to talk to you, though I’m afraid most other Candians don’t know much more than a few phrases.”

“Do they know I’m coming?” Saccharina looked up at her, hands gripping the side of the boat.

“They know who you are, and they know I was trying to find you. Once we get to Lacramor, I can send a message that we’re on our way home.” Sapphria said. “They’re all looking forward to your arrival, I’m certain. Citrina will almost definitely already have a room set up for you.” 

Saccharina’s brows furrowed a little. “What kind of room?”

“One in the same wing as mine, I imagine. Where all the immediate family of the Queen reside, just a floor below the Queens’ chambers themselves.” Sapphria mused lightly, internally thinking about all the empty rooms in that wing, wondering which one Citrina would have cleaned out to prepare for a new guest. Saccharina seemed a little surprised at that, a little hesitant — and Sapphria had gotten used to that, to the thin veneer of distrust that coloured most of her descriptions of what life in Candia would be like, despite Saccharina’s simultaneous relief and excitement at going there. Too good to be true, perhaps. — and Sapphria pretended not to notice. “The twins won’t be there yet, they’re still too young.” 

Saccharina hummed for a moment, the corner of her mouth twitching before she tried another question. “Will it be big?” 

“Not as big as you might imagine,” Sapphria said with a light laugh. “The castle needs _some_ space for hidden passages.”

“There are _hidden passages?”_ Saccharina’s mouth dropped open in a gleeful smile. “Really?”

“Absolutely.” Sapphria grinned, winking deviously. “And you have to find them all yourself.” 

Saccharina rocked back and forth on her feet for a moment, still smiling but looking a little more thoughtful, like she was imagining something. “Annnnnd, I’m allowed to look for them?”

“Oh, of course. Just don’t be afraid to knock on the walls and ask for help if you get lost in them.”

“Did _you_ ever get lost in them?” Saccharina asked excitedly, and Sapphria chuckled.

“Definitely not.” She shook her head firmly before her smile widened. “But Amethar did, constantly.” 

* * *

Saccharina had always felt a lot of emotions, twisting and churning deep in her stomach and fluttering in her chest and gathering in her feet and hands and burning behind her eyes. The ten days of sailing to Lacramor were no exception, but this time rather than the anger and disappointment and increasingly distant hope and determination that had marked every day at that nunnery, she felt excited.

Excited and thrilled and terribly, horribly nervous. 

She’d been imagining this for years, for her family to _finally_ find her and take her away and bring her to a land full of candy where her magic wasn’t something that people hated, but that they would love. A land full of people that would love _her._

But at the same time, the Queen of that land was perhaps the most famous and devout follower of the Bulb in all of Calorum. And no matter how kind Sapphria said she was, Saccharina couldn’t help but remember how every other follower of the Bulb she’d ever met turned out ugly eventually. 

But while the inevitable meeting with Queen Citrina loomed, she was faced with another, more immediate problem. One that perhaps she should have realised, but had never considered.

She didn’t know _anything_ about royalty. 

“- if you had told me all the details of your expedition I could have spared some more sailors for you!” Prince Tarthur was talking to Sapphria over a meal with a name so long Saccharina had already forgotten it. “To think, a Princess of Candia being in my kingdom for so many years.” 

His eyes slid to Saccharina, along with the gazes of almost everyone at the table, an assortment of the royal family of the Dairy Islands and a few important noblemen and dignitaries that had happened to be visiting at the same time. Saccharina instinctively straightened her posture, trying to fill as much space as everyone else seemed to. 

“I… I _did_ tell people about it.” She said, her fingers curling around one of the too-many sets of cutlery on the table, resisting the urge to drop her gaze to the floor. Ever since dinner had started and she had sat down, she’d been swept out of her depth immediately and only continued drowning from there. Every story someone told involved people and places she’d never heard of, some tiny details sending everyone else into roars of laughter, so many of her own statements garnering significant looks shared between people, whispers of who-knew-what. 

Did they pity her? Did they like her? Did they think she was silly, for even trying to pretend that she belonged? The dress she was wearing (a present from the Dairy Islands, Sapphria had called it, probably because her _other_ dress was too dirty, too threadbare, too poor-looking-) itched at her skin, the fabric suddenly feeling too tight around her waist and her wrists and her neck.

“Oh, that reminds me.” Sapphria, seated directly to Saccharina’s left, snapped her fingers. “I _do_ need to talk to someone about that nunnery. It was a… fascinating place.”

Sapphria, at the very least, was a lifesaver. She could command attention in a way that seemed effortless, entertaining everyone with funny stories about sailing troubles she’d had along the way, gushing about Jet and Ruby and lacing dozens of carefully constructed compliments to seemingly everyone at the table as easily as she breathed. Whenever Saccharina felt her cheeks get hot, or she stumbled over an answer, Sapphria was quick to draw eyes away, making a benign statement that would send someone else off on a long tangent about their own lives and problems. 

“The soup’s gross, isn’t it?” Then there was the person seated to Saccharina’s right. 

Princess Annabelle Cheddar, the only person at the table even close to Saccharina’s age at around about two years older, was the only other bright spot. Barely twenty minutes into the dinner Saccharina had caught her making an exaggerated face at the extremely long and boring story another nobleman was telling and had had to stifle a giggle. Annabelle had grinned back at her, and since then they had managed to start a slightly stilted, often interrupted, but thankfully normal conversation. 

“It’s okay,” Saccharina said generously, even though she was actively avoiding taking another spoonful of the stuff. 

“You don’t have to lie,” Annabelle said matter-of-factly, her own bowl almost untouched, before she leaned a little closer and dropped her voice to a whisper. “It’s my dad’s favourite, so we have it _evvvveeerryyyy_ night, but no one else likes it ever.”

“... I think they gave me better stuff in the nunnery,” Saccharina whispered back, almost feeling like she was saying something blasphemous, but Annabelle covered her mouth to hide her smile, and Saccharina didn’t bother covering hers. 

Annabelle was nice. She was definitely nicer than any of the other kids at the nunnery, and she didn’t seem to notice or care that Saccharina was carefully watching Sapphria to check which cutlery she used with each progressive course. When she wasn’t looking at any of the other adults in the room and just talking to Annabelle, it felt a little easier to breathe. 

That night, Sapphria congratulated her on surviving her first dinner with royalty (in that exact wording) and promised that once they got to Candia, she’d pick up all the little intricacies and quirks and social etiquette of it all pretty quickly, despite the fact that she didn’t know much Candian yet.

They were set up in two rooms right next to each other, with a bed so soft and warm that Saccharina couldn’t sleep. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to. A part of her was convinced that perhaps this was all an elaborate dream, or nightmare, and eventually she’d wake up right back in her old room in the nunnery, with bars on the window and an ever-locked door and hundreds of memories she wanted to leave behind forever.

Now the pillow beneath her head was so fluffy she felt like she was floating, and apparently, she was allowed to _keep_ the dress they’d given her, and Annabelle had mentioned that she was thankful there would finally be a princess her own age to hang out with whenever they next met up, and Sapphria had told her to try to get lots of sleep because they would wake up early to get to Candia as soon as possible. 

Saccharina put a hand over the middle of her chest, loosely feeling for her own heartbeat, listening to every exhale she made. This was real. This was real and it was happening and it was overwhelming and terrifying and incredible. 

She had no idea what she was doing. In the nunnery, she had dreamed about being whisked away to Candia and wearing clothes that she didn’t have to mend herself, and of attending balls held in _her_ honour, and having people that would want to see her perform her magic, would encourage her, would love her.

She hadn’t exactly been imagining so many rules. And titles. And weird statements that she couldn’t tell were meant to be compliments or insults or one pretending to be the other. And that when she got there she probably wasn’t going to be able to understand what almost everyone was saying.

Saccharina had no idea if she would turn out to be any good at all of it or not. But she desperately wanted to try. 

* * *

It was another week before they arrived in Candia, travelling up the Cola River until they reached the port in Dulcington. In that time, Saccharina only got more nervous and excited all at the same time, resulting in an absolutely confusing mix of emotions swirling in her stomach. 

“Are you ready to go?” Sapphria was standing by the gangplank, still dressed in the same kind of clothes she’d been wearing when she’d walked into the nunnery, nice and suited to sailing but not quite what Saccharina would imagine when she heard the word ‘royalty’. 

Saccharina had put on the dress the Dairy Islanders had given her when she’d gone to Lacramor. Sapphria had called it a present, which technically made it the first one she’d ever gotten. So after they’d gotten back on the boat, Saccharina had been careful with it, wearing her old dress for the rest of the trip to make sure her new one wouldn’t get dirty or crumpled or anything before her first arrival in Candia.

She walked gingerly up to Sapphria, balling some of the delicate fabric in her hands before she realised she was doing it, forcing herself to let go before she ruined it. 

“Yeah.” She said, taking a deep breath, her fingers still feeling the need to fidget. This was all she’d ever dreamed of. It was _terrifying._

Looking out at the dock, all she saw were sailors and people walking around with purpose, greeting old friends, looking like they knew what they were doing. In the near distance, Castle Candy loomed, banners and flags flying merrily in the winds, some trumpets already beginning to sound to herald Princess Sapphria’s return. 

This was Candia. This was her father’s home. Maybe her home now. 

“Are we gonna go straight to the castle?” She looked up at Sapphria, who nodded, pointing out a meep-drawn carriage that was pulling up.

“It’s a short trip, but this is special.” She winked, beginning to walk down the gangplank and gesturing for Saccharina to follow, which she did. 

Saccharina’s eyes were wide, staring at the sugary animals that drew the carriage. “I’ve never seen a meep before.” 

“Would you like a closer look? They’re very gentle, and we’re on no time limit.” Sapphria said, walking up to one of the meeps and petting its head to demonstrate. 

Saccharina didn’t need any more encouragement, hurrying up to Sapphria’s side and placing a small hand on the creature’s side. It was rough and sugary, making light chirping sounds as Saccharina stroked it. 

She gasped. “It’s beautiful.” 

Someone said something she didn’t understand, and Saccharina glanced up at the unfamiliar voice to see the coachman for the carriage, a man with a large gumball for a head looking down at her expectantly. Panic panging in her chest, she looked up to Sapphria, who quickly translated that he’d asked if this was her first time in Candia. 

“Y-yes.” Saccharina stammered in Candian, Sapphria having taught her a few small phrases during the trip, painfully aware that everyone who saw her would instantly be able to tell that she wasn’t quite one of them. On the ship, there had been enough Dairy Islander sailors amongst the crew that Saccharina had hardly noticed, but now she realised that almost all she could hear was a Candian accent and language, so entirely different to her own. There was nothing familiar here, no matter her blood. 

Sapphria said it was okay that she didn’t know anything, but was that really true? 

Her aunt said something to the coachman in Candian, before switching back to Lacra. “Whenever you’re ready to leave, Saccharina.” She said, turning to head towards the carriage.

“I’m ready,” Saccharina said quickly, avoiding eye contact with the coachman, or anyone else walking around for that matter. Some of them were looking their way, mostly at Sapphria, but some at the small, unfamiliar child she’d brought with her. Maybe she wasn’t standing straight enough? 

When the carriage got moving she wasn’t letting her back touch the wall, and by the time they actually got to the castle, it was starting to hurt from how tense she was. 

“It’s okay to be nervous,” Sapphria said as they pulled to a stop in front of the castle. 

“I’m not nervous.” Saccharina lied, sticking her chin up, and Sapphria simply raised an eyebrow. 

“Do you think it would be easier if I told them to skip all the royal announcements and fanfare?” 

She hesitated for a moment, before nodding. Sapphria returned it, climbing out of the carriage before her and having a quick word with one of the servants and squires that had bustled up to them. He quickly darted off into the castle, and within the next minute or so most of the others had been sent away too. 

“There. Now, are you ready to go inside?” Sapphria opened the carriage door wide for her, holding a hand out for her to take. It hovered in the air, palm facing upwards, not reaching out for her wrists the ways the nuns’ hands would. Saccharina found herself staring at it for a moment before reaching out for it, climbing out of the carriage and dusting off her dress when she was on the ground. 

Castle Candy was enormous. The banners seemed even more gigantic up close, and Saccharina could see guards patrolling on the walls above, armour gleaming. Sapphria casually strode alongside her with her hands behind her back, occasionally saying a brief hello to some of the workers they passed.

One particularly curious maid stopped to ask a question, and when Sapphria answered, Saccharina heard her name said within the sentence, her stomach churning as she wondered what was being said. 

The maid’s eyes widened a little, and she looked to Saccharina, clearing her throat and speaking a little more clearly than she had before, albeit still in Candian. “Hello!”

“Hello,” Saccharina said, watching the maid over her shoulder when she walked away. She seemed nice. 

They passed a few more people through the castle, and Saccharina found herself surprised at how… pleasant everyone was. A lot of them were busy, so they rarely stopped for more than a second to bow or curtsy politely at Sapphria, but almost everyone who noticed her would smile warmly or say hello or something that seemed equally nice. 

Saccharina found herself saying hello back, more confidently when each encounter passed with no one telling her to be quiet or making fun of her accent or anything. 

“Here we are, then.” Sapphria finally said, stopping in front of a grand door, and Saccharina’s nerves came flooding back in. “If my sources are correct, which they always are, my sister and her wife will be in here.” 

Saccharina gulped, staring at the heavy candywood in front of her. It was carefully crafted, intricate pictures and symbols carved into it. Even the doors here were laden with history and culture that she couldn’t hope to understand, that the few books and scrolls from Candia in the nunnery couldn’t begin to pierce the depth of. And here she was, standing in a dress from the Dairy Islands. 

About to meet the Queens. One of whom was possibly the most famous and devout follower of the Bulb in all of Calorum. Her eyes flickered to Sapphria. They’d talked a lot on the trip here, but there were some things Saccharina hadn’t told her. About the nunnery, about what had happened there. Most of the nuns had seemed nice at first, nice like Citrina probably was. But as soon as they got to know her, as soon as they found out what she could do-

Saccharina gulped. She’d already told Sapphria about her magic, and she hadn’t seemed upset. Maybe Citrina would be different too. Maybe. 

Sapphria pushed open the door, and the first thing Saccharina noticed was that the room was a lot smaller than expected. Rather than a grand throne room or meeting hall, Sapphria had taken her to some kind of drawing room instead, with lounges against portrait-lined walls, tall windows allowing natural light to flow in. It was the kind of room to relax in, not to conduct official business. 

The next thing she noticed was the people inside. There were two women, both noticeably taller than Sapphria was, one perched on one of the couches with a small book in hand, the other sitting on an embroidered rug on the ground, a baby shifting restlessly in the fabric of her dress while another crawled around her, babbling happily. 

The woman on the couch had smooth golden-brown skin and dusty blonde hair, carefully pinned back and decorated with a tiara. Her dress seemed slightly more complicated than the one the other woman was wearing, pink with golden embroidery and lace, and a blue necklace around her neck. The other almost seemed more plain in comparison, with heavy, flowing sleeves in more subdued blue and green colours, and no crown or tiara on her head. With bright yellow skin and golden hair, Saccharina recognised this woman from descriptions of the great miracle-worker Queen Citrina. Which meant the other must be Queen Caramelinda. 

Both looked up as the door glided open, and Saccharina found her feet stuck to the floor as Sapphria took a step inside. Caramelinda carefully marked her book before setting it aside, seeming to zero in on Saccharina immediately, while Citrina seemed to notice Sapphria first, her face lighting up. 

“Sapphria!” She picked up the baby that had been resting in her lap — curled up mostly asleep in a blanket, with pink skin and red hair, and not particularly disturbed by being moved — before standing up, holding the first baby in one arm and using her free hand to help the other — who had greyish-purple skin and nearly jet black hair, small chubby hands reaching up for her mother — stand up, taking very small steps towards them. 

She said something else to Sapphria in Candian, though when her aunt replied to her, it was in Lacra.

“I did.” Sapphria was smiling, not side-stepping so as to fully expose Saccharina to the room, but turning slightly. “Saccharina, meet your family.” 

Saccharina stood up as straight as she possibly could, taking two steps forward so that she was in front of Sapphria, her hands stiff by her side but determined to make the best possible first impression. “Hello. Your… majesties?” 

“You don’t have to call us that,” Citrina said quickly in a slightly stiff but understandable Lacran, almost a little embarrassed by it. “Not while we’re alone, at least. I’m so happy to finally meet you.” 

Caramelinda stood up, first walking over to Citrina to pick up the dark-haired baby (Jet, if Saccharina was remembering Sapphria’s descriptions of them correctly) from the ground, cooing while Citrina walked towards Sapphria and Saccharina, smiling widely. 

“Oh, I’ve missed you.” Citrina hugged Sapphria about as tightly as they could manage with a drowsy baby between them. “I can’t believe you finally did it.”

“ _I_ can’t believe how big the twins have gotten!” Sapphria exclaimed, taking the red-haired baby, who just yawned. “Oh, Ruby, so tired.” 

“They’ve started… tag-teaming,” Citrina said fondly, if a little tiredly. “One of them wakes up to cause some trouble while the other sleeps, and then they swap.” 

“An excellent strategy to tire out the enemy.” Sapphria teased, cradling Ruby in her arms while Citrina turned her attention towards Saccharina. 

“And Saccharina, I’m very pleased to meet you. I’m Citrina.” She bent over just a little, her smile still warm.

“I know,” Saccharina said cautiously, before immediately being struck with the thought that that might be rude. “I mean- um, I’ve heard of you before.”

Citrina blinked at her for a moment, but she didn’t seem particularly fazed. “I’m sure you have. My sister told us in her last letter that she thought she’d located you in a Bulbian nunnery. I suppose it would make sense for them to mention me.” 

“Even without an official position, the church still adores you.” Caramelinda had walked up to the group as well, mostly trying to entertain the squirming baby in her arms. 

“No. No- mm-” Jet didn’t seem satisfied no matter how Caramelinda held her, repeating the word ‘No’ (in Candian) over and over until eventually, Caramelinda set her down, where she promptly toddled behind her, gripping to the skirt of her dress and peering out at Saccharina and Sapphria with a comically grumpy expression that only deepened with every sentence that she presumably didn’t understand was spoken.

“She hasn’t forgotten who I am in only a month or two, has she?” Sapphria laughed, kneeling down onto the ground and babbling something in Candian to her. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Saccharina,” Caramelinda said, trying to coax Jet from out behind her. “And these are our daughters, Jet, and Ruby.”

“Your cousins,” Citrina said, her hands held together as if she were praying, but Saccharina had a feeling it was just a habit. “I trust your journey here went well?”

“It was… nice.” Saccharina couldn’t help but feel nervous in front of Citrina, and the queen seemed to pick up on it, glancing in Sapphria’s direction. 

That just made Saccharina even more nervous, her hands tightening around the fabric of her dress again, her breaths short. Oh, she was ruining it, she _finally_ got to meet her family and she’d _finally_ escaped that nunnery and now she was ruining it-

“Perhaps we can show you to your room,” Caramelinda said. “I’m sure both of you are tired from the journey, you can get a chance to settle in.”

“Oh, of course!” Citrina perked up, standing up straighter and looking between them all. “I had it prepared for you special.” 

They left the drawing room, and Saccharina found herself walking in between Citrina and Sapphria holding Ruby, with Caramelinda holding Jet, who very much wanted to be walking by herself, in front. 

Saccharina had no idea what she was expecting — a small room in the back of the castle where she wouldn’t be near anyone important, perhaps? — but they led her up higher into the castle, where there were fewer servants bustling about.

“Here we are!” Citrina said, pointing out a door. “Sapphria’s… umm, room, is right down that hallways, and once the twins are old enough they’ll be there.” 

The wing where all the immediate family of the Queen stayed. Just like Sapphria had said. For a moment, Saccharina just stared at the door, immediately honing in on one important detail. This door didn’t have a keyhole on it. Or an extra latch on the outside. 

A question of whether the door locked was on the tip of her tongue but she bit it back, eyes flickering to the three adults. Instead, she stepped forward, slowly pushing open the door to her room and peering inside. 

It was almost triple the size of the room Saccharina had had in the nunnery, and infinitely more inviting. Sunlight streamed in from a wide paned window, with heavy curtains drawn and neatly tied back. There was a bed big enough that Saccharina was certain she’d be able to lay out in the middle of it and stretch out all her limbs and still not be close to touching the edge, an ornate dresser, a desk, a rug, a painting of the countryside on one wall and a mirror on another. The entire room was coloured in warm shades of pinks, oranges, reds, purples, and whites, and even the ceiling had some measure of carvings or details that she knew she’d be staring at later until she had them memorised. 

“I’ve never had a desk before.” Was somehow the first thing that made it into her brain and also out of her mouth, eyes wide. 

“It’s brand new,” Citrina said, smiling warmly. “I was almost worried it wouldn’t be ready in time.” 

“Do _I_ get a new desk?” Sapphria asked, comically serious, eliciting a light smile from Caramelinda and a good-natured huff from Citrina.

Saccharina took a few steps into the room while Sapphria joked about not getting any presents from her sister. Citrina was smiling as she responded, slipping back into Candian, presumably not as confident in Lacra as Sapphria was. Saccharina had a small bag with her that contained her old dress and not much else, and when she walked up to her bed, placing the bag down on it felt far more weighty and important than it probably actually was. The sheets looked just as nice as the ones in Lacramor had felt. This was her bed. For good. Hopefully.

A small voice suddenly spoke up beside her, repeating a single Candian word, and Saccharina looked to see Jet, presumably curious about the new room that her parents must not have let her inside of until now, pulling at the sheets and reaching up to the top of the bed with her arms. She looked up at Saccharina, locking eyes for a long moment, before patting at the bed before repeating the word.

Saccharina wasn’t quite sure what she was saying, but she was pretty sure she understood the universal language of toddlers wanting to climb up onto something. 

Saccharina looked over her shoulder to see Citrina and Sapphria now occupied with Ruby, who had woken up at some point and was now unable to decide who she wanted to hold her more, while Caramelinda lingered in the doorway, apparently having noticed Jet toddling off into the room but not having seen fit to stop her. 

Saccharina looked back at Caramelinda for another moment longer and shuffled a little closer to Jet, helping her pull herself up onto the bed. Jet immediately began rolling around on the sheets, obviously delighted, and Saccharina couldn’t stop herself from grinning, climbing up herself.

She sat herself near the middle of the bed, glancing back to the adults to see none of them making any move to take Jet away, or ask her to move away instead or anything. That had never happened before. 

Eventually, Jet began digging _under_ the sheets and Caramelinda finally intervened, explaining that it was almost time for the twins to have a nap regardless, welcoming Saccharina again and promising to see her later in the day to make sure she got a proper tour of the castle grounds. She left, Citrina and Ruby following shortly after, the Queen giving Saccharina another smile that she found a little shaky to return before leaving. 

“And that’s my cue to go settle in again as well,” Sapphria said mildly. “Do you like the room?”

“Yes! It’s perfect.” Saccharina nodded quickly, looking at the sheets where Jet had been digging around. “I like the twins.” 

“Everyone always does,” Sapphria said fondly.

The nuns had never let her play with the other kids much, Saccharina almost said. Especially the little ones. But she didn’t say it, because she didn’t want to talk about it. The nunnery was in the past now. She could leave it in the past, and everything to do with it. She was in Candia. 

“The Queens were nice too,” Saccharina said instead.

Sapphria just nodded knowingly. “I’m glad you think so. And don’t worry about waiting around for the ‘proper’ tour. We’ll have to officially present you to Candia at some point as a declared princess, but everyone in the castle will know who you are, no one will stop you from exploring.” 

She winked at her before turning and leaving, closing the door behind her. It clicked shut, and for a moment Saccharina’s heart dropped, and she found herself racing off the bed towards the door, only for it to slide open as easily as it had closed. 

She peered out into the hallway, seeing Sapphria open another door and close it behind her before she looked the other way, seeing no one else. 

No one would stop her. 

Saccharina looked back over her shoulder into her beautiful new room, clean and neat and prepared especially for her with a brand new desk, just down the hallway from Sapphria’s, exactly opposite where the twins would stay once they were old enough for their own room further away from their mothers. 

Quietly, Saccharina slipped out of her room, and began walking down the hallway in the opposite direction to where Sapphria had done. The first person she saw was a maid making her rounds, and for a moment Saccharina froze, but the maid only blinked at her before smiling, waving, and stumbling through a question of if she needed anything in Lacran.

When Saccharina declined, she didn’t tell her to go back to her room, or to do a chore, or _anything._ She just nodded and continued on her way. She didn’t stop her. 

Saccharina watched her go, before turning back to the path before her. Giddiness began to rise within her, and she set off with renewed vigour to explore her new home. 

* * *

Queen Caramelinda did wind up giving her an official tour later that day (a good idea, when her own solo exploration attempt had ended up with her completely turned around, making dozens of wrong turns until she finally found herself at her room again), showing her to the dining room, the gardens, the throne room, the drawing room, the bathrooms, all the important places she’d need to know. Saccharina was still certain she’d be getting lost for at least a few days, the castle so much bigger than the nunnery was, and with fewer parts of it blocked off to her.

Caramelinda was nice, and had casually mentioned that she had delegated a meeting of some kind to someone else to give her this tour, which Saccharina had been surprised by. It must’ve shown, because Caramelinda had followed up with a simple story of how it had taken her a while to get used to the castle during her first extended stay, and she wanted her to feel welcome. 

There did seem to be a _slight_ ulterior motive to it, since Caramelinda also spent some time going through some of the things that Saccharina would have to end up doing sooner or later, for ceremonial or traditional or official reasons. A lot of it flew over her head, but the gist of most of it seemed to be Saccharina standing around in a fancy dress while other people said important things, with the end result of her being recognised by Calorum as the legitimate child of the late Prince Amethar, and an official Princess of Candia. 

“You’ll get used to it all eventually,” Caramelinda said with a small, wistful smile, the two of them close to the back of the castle, at the end of the tour. Caramelinda glanced around, her eyes lingering on a door before she looked back to Saccharina. “There’s one more place I can show you, if you’d like. The crypts.” 

Saccharina was silent, looking at the door. She had an idea of what would be in the crypts of a royal castle, but Caramelinda must have taken the lack of an answer as confusion, because she elaborated. 

“Your father is down there, though sealed away. But there is a statue of him. The door is never locked, but only members of the royal family are permitted inside.” 

“Oh,” Saccharina said, but when Caramelinda softly asked again if she wanted to go inside, she shook her head, and the tour ended there. 

The next week or so in the castle, Saccharina’s days were full of all the events and lessons that Caramelinda had talked to her about, all carefully designed to prepare a princess that had spent the first ten years of her life far away from any kind of nobility at all. She faced it all and dove right in, determined to make the best first impressions on Candia, determined to be the kind of princess her family expected. If that meant memorising dozens and dozens of rules and titles, and learning a new language as quickly as possible with another lined up right after she was decently conversational at the first, she’d do it. 

Most nights she found herself so exhausted, it was easily to fall asleep. But one night, she lay awake, staring at the ceiling, her thoughts swirling until she finally sat up, slipping out of bed and creeping to the door. 

She had yet to locate any of the secret passages that Sapphria had talked about, so instead she hiked up the skirt of the soft nightgown that had been given to her — alongside a dozen other sets of clothes, all perfectly tailored but still somehow feeling somewhat uncomfortable — and began making her way down the hallways. 

Unlike when she had gone exploring during the day, this time Saccharina actively tried to avoid running into other people, flinching away from torchlight and hesitating whenever she heard footsteps as she made her way down into the depths of the castle.

When she opened the door to the crypts, she found herself met with darkness. The dim torchlight from outside only lit a few feet into the crypts, enough for her to see a staircase that led down into inky blackness, and the outline of an unlit torch on the wall. 

Too far to turn back now. Saccharina took a few steps inside to reach up and unhook the torch from where it sat on the wall, before backing out again to find one of the lit torches in the hallway, holding the end of hers up to it until it caught.

When she finally began properly descending into the crypts, lit torch in hand, she closed the door behind her, the stone floors cold against her bare feet, her breaths seeming infinitely loud in the silence, torchlight casting flickering shadows into the darkness.

She ran her free hand along the wall, keeping her head tilted down so that she didn’t trip on the stairs. While the general atmosphere of the castle during the day was busy and complicated, and at night regal and grand, here in the crypts the air seemed to creep in around her, the cold and late Highfrost night even colder.

Only when she reached the bottom of the stairs did she allow herself to look up, uncertain of what she would see. 

The first things she noticed were rows and rows of stone slabs at the back of the crypts, mere shadowy outlines in the low light. Many of them had runes and symbols and names carefully carved into the sugarstone, while other, more recent ones had plaques with dates and short descriptions. There were some small statues, some perhaps centuries old, depicting kings and queens, princes and princesses from ages past. Her ancestors, perhaps. Saccharina took a small step towards them, but something in her brain told her to turn around, to look behind her.

When she did, she almost forgot how to breathe. 

Three massive statues, each about twenty feet tall, loomed on one wall of the crypts, hidden from view from the stairs by a thin wall. Each statue was undeniably newer than most of the others further back in the crypt, almost crystalline in quality, the torchlight bouncing off them in coloured refractions.

The centre statue was the tallest, a solid dark brown depicting a strong, broad-shouldered woman dressed in armour and long hair tied back, hands resting on the hilt of a sword with its point on the ground, a neutral but firm expression on her face, eyes staring straight ahead. From the colour and the armour, Saccharina could guess that this was General Rococoa, her father’s oldest sister. The one who would have been Queen had she survived the war.

Distantly, she wondered how Queen Citrina felt about that. Being Queen wasn’t something Saccharina was supposed to worry about, since Jet, Ruby, and Sapphria were all ahead of her in the line of succession. But Citrina had had two people ahead of her too. 

The other two statues Saccharina could immediately recognise. To the left of Rococoa’s statue was Archmage Lazuli, her statue a deep blue with faint, almost sparkling purple ripples, holding an open book. It had been so many years since Saccharina had last seen Lazuli, and she found herself trying to reconcile her memories with the woman in front of her.

The Lazuli in front of her looked distant, gazing off into the middle distance like Rococoa, with perfect posture and neat robes. The Lazuli that Saccharina remembered… there had been a little of that, but there had also been warmth, there had been smiles, and, in the end, there had been promises of protection that had never quite transpired. 

An old scar on Saccharina’s chest seemed to twitch, and she put a hand over the spot, feeling mostly smoothed skin through her nightgown. Lazuli would be happy to see her here, surely. In Candia, in her old home, with her sisters and family. She remembered Lazuli talking to her once, saying that if she knew her family, if she knew her sisters, they’d find her eventually. She hadn’t been wrong, even if it had taken longer than Saccharina might have hoped. 

And finally… finally there was the statue that had been lingering in the back of her mind since Caramelinda had told her about the crypts. On Rococoa’s right, a little taller than Lazuli but still shorter than Rococoa (and still _far_ taller than Saccharina), was her father.

Prince Amethar’s statue, in the low light the torchlight provided, appeared to be a dark pinkish-purple. He was broad and strong like Rococoa, with a truly massive sword leaning at his side, and, unlike the fairly neutral expressions of his sisters, a casual, almost daring half-smile on his face. He was dressed in less elaborate armour than Rococoa, and he looked… so much younger than them. 

Maybe it was the differences in expressions, maybe the slightly more casual pose Amethar’s statue held… maybe the age difference between the eldest Rocks siblings and the youngest had been larger than Saccharina had imagined. 

She didn’t know how old her father had been when he died. She didn’t even know exactly how he’d died, just that it had been at the end of the war, that it had been only a little while before her mother had dropped her off at the nunnery. 

Her mother had told her a lot about her father. Many of those memories were faded now, fuzzy and unclear. But she remembered that her mother had always said that Amethar had been loud, that he loved fiercely and quickly and deeply. That his smile was wide and for the short time they’d been together, he’d liked to pick Saccharina’s mother up and spin her around until she was laughing. 

Her mother had always been certain that if Amethar had gotten to meet her, he would have loved her. He hadn’t known about her, but if he did, he would have loved her. 

It was hard to see all the things her mother had told her about her father in a statue. But it was nice to put a face to the vague image of the man she’d been imagining for all her life. If he were still alive, she liked to think that maybe he would have picked her up and spun her around when he first met her. That maybe he would have been the one walking into the nunnery to find her instead of Sapphria. 

She’d never known her father, and she had known he was dead for a long time. The nuns certainly hadn’t been afraid to rub it in whenever she’d spoken about her family. But seeing his statue here, seeing Lazuli and Rococoa, all three of them heroes of Candia, all three of them long dead, she truly felt that loss for the first time. And it was a hollow loss, the kind of loss you could only have when you didn’t really have anything to lose in the first place. 

There was no way to tell how long she stayed down there, but eventually, Saccharina turned away, placing her torch back where she’d found it still lit for lack of a better place to put it, where it would slowly burn out on its own. 

She glanced over her shoulder once, looking down into the crypts, once again bathed in darkness, before turning around and closing the door behind her, sneaking through the castle back up to her room. 

* * *

Nearly a month since Saccharina had arrived in Castle Candy had passed, and she would say to anyone who asked that she was settling in very well thank you very much. She was learning the rules of royalty quickly, she had made it through her first official presentation admirably, she could make her way around the main parts of the castle with ease, and she had slipped into the regular routine of the royal family as best she could considering the circumstances.

That’s what she would say to anyone who asked. The _truth_ was a little more complicated. 

She _was_ learning quickly. Learning how absolutely awful and unprepared she was at being royalty. Sapphria was her main teacher, because she was one of the only people in the entire castle fluent in Lacra, so until or unless they found another fluent tutor, she was their best option. She was a pretty good teacher, in Saccharina’s opinion, never being disappointed in what she did or didn’t know, and peppering her lessons of arithmetic, history, geography and languages with funny stories and jokes. 

Then there were her other lessons. The ones Sapphria called lessons of survival. In some cases, literal, actual survival. Saccharina couldn’t tell how serious she was about that. 

_Those_ lessons were all about the social side of things. They were a bit more fun than the other ones, partly because sometimes Sapphria would also show her the best places to find a weapon in a pinch and she could make a game out of entering a room and looking for the best makeshift knife or bat or shield. 

But it was a lot, overwhelming at the best of times. 

Her first official presentation had also gone well, by all accounts. She hadn’t stood in the wrong place, or messed something up, or tripped in her fancy dress. All the nobles and everyone present had happily acknowledged her as a legitimate and official princess of Candia. 

But in the small reception afterwards, almost everyone had had something to say. The language barrier already meant she was shadowing Sapphria so that she could translate for her, but from the number of times Saccharina caught Sapphria subtly glaring in the direction of someone making a comment, she could tell that what they were saying wasn’t always nice. Saccharina’s skin had been crawling after barely twenty minutes, looking out at all the gathered nobles and wondering how many of them _truly_ considered her one of them.

Memorising the basic layout of the castle had been the easiest part of it all. She had found one of the secret passages, its entrance hidden inside the back of her wardrobe in her bedroom, and hadn’t even gotten too lost looking inside of it. 

As for easing into the regular routine of the royal family… that was different. 

Sapphria was great. Saccharina really liked Sapphria. She was smart and funny and would make little jokes during their lessons and would tell her stories about some of the dumb things she’s seen nobles do whenever Saccharina struggled with the exact order of things or something.

And the twins were amazing. They were still babies, and whenever Saccharina had some free time she liked to go check if they were awake, playing with them and telling them about her day. They’d caught on quickly, running up to her when she walked in and asking for hugs or to be picked up or just trying to drag her down to their level to play. They’d begun babbling some Lacran words alongside Candian ones, which made Saccharina a lot more excited than she would have thought.

Caramelinda was okay, though Saccharina didn’t get to speak alone with her often since the tour she had given her. She seemed very busy, and was often accompanied by a tall armoured woman that smelled lightly of burnt marshmallow that had introduced herself to Saccharina as Sir Maillard, the Queen’s Champion. She was polite, but honestly kind of intimidating.

Then… there was Queen Citrina. 

“Ready to go?” The _other_ Queen’s Champion was a gummy bear man that had introduced himself as Theo, and he was alright, in Saccharina’s opinion. He had made the effort to learn some basic Lacran for her, which was nice of him. Except when he came to fetch her every weekend to go to church because it was the only event thus far she was ever late for. 

Saccharina, standing on the other side of her bedroom door, pursed her lips together and considered, as she did every week, simply refusing to come out. 

But instead she slowly, painstakingly opened the door, looking at the floor and quietly slipping out to stand next to Theo. 

Theo made a few small attempts at smalltalk before giving up and slipping into stilted professionalism, and eventually joined the rest of the family in the main hall. There was a small chapel connected to the castle that they used for services, run by an old chocolate rabbit named Lapin (who Sapphria said would end up being her tutor once she was better at Candian) and attended by the family and a collection of other particularly devout castle workers.

Saccharina had a simple strategy for surviving these services, of keeping her head down and, where possible, becoming responsible for keeping Jet and Ruby quiet. When they were being rowdy it gave her an easy excuse to pay as little attention as possible, and she could ignore the slowly growing weight on her chest that only compounded with every hymn and prayer. 

Services in Candia were definitely different than they had been in the nunnery. The choir was louder and more enthusiastic, Lapin would drone on and on and on and on for what felt like hours, and when some of the other church-goers would hum or say something during the service they weren’t reprimanded. It was… kind of nice, but it wasn’t enough to dull the edge that Saccharina felt every time she set foot in the space, and wasn't enough for every word to not send a shiver down her spine.

Not even the entire thing being in Candian (with Sapphria quietly translating for her) could give her some ease. 

Usually, at the end of the service, people, especially Citrina, would linger to chat or ask questions, and Saccharina could slip away as quickly as possible. Today, she was not so lucky. 

“Saccharina, would you like to help me with something?” Citrina turned on her almost the moment the service ended, the twins unfortunately being entertained by a combination of Theo and Sapphria. Saccharina didn’t have any lessons after this to use as an excuse, and even if she did, a request from the Queen almost undoubtedly took precedence-

“... Okay,” Saccharina said, and Citrina’s face lit up, like she’d been expecting Saccharina to say no. As if that was an option. 

“Ah! Follow me, there are some books I’ve been meaning to sort through.” She said, turning and beginning to walk towards the back of the chapel, Saccharina subtly dragging her feet behind her. 

Citrina led her into a small backroom that seemed to be mostly filled with scrolls, candles, and books. 

“They found some things I had left behind in Comida after the war,” Citrina explained, a bright smile on her face despite the subject of war. “It’s just the kind of things I can’t expect someone else to be able to sort.” 

“Right,” Saccharina said, kneeling down at a spot where Citrina indicated, pulling out dusty old journals and books, all of them practically dripping with religion. If being in the regular part of the chapel made her skin crawl, being in here was almost unbearable. 

All she saw were symbols of the Bulb, tapestries and paintings and candles and bibles. Perhaps Citrina had brought her here to finally interrogate her on her faith, to test her, to make sure she was Bulbian enough for her. 

Instead, Citrina asked Saccharina about how she was settling in. How life in the castle was, whether she missed any food from the Dairy Islands, if the servants and guards were being polite to her. Saccharina couldn’t help but answer curtly, her nerves shot and the scar on her chest thrumming — it could be a trap, to trick her into lowering her guard until she admitted something bad and _then_ Citrina would get mad — and she was _certain_ Citrina noticed, but the only sign was Citrina’s questions getting a bit slower, a little less cheerful. 

“I remember when we first met, and you already… um… recognised me, because of the nunnery,” Citrina said after a particularly quiet moment, in between passing books and sorting them into piles. This was it. This was it. “I do wonder what exactly they think about me in places like that.”

This- 

That wasn’t what she’d expected. 

“About you?” Saccharina looked at Citrina, only to discover she looked sheepish, embarrassed even. 

“It might be a little… self-obsessed of me.” She chuckled loosely. “But I am a little curious. I had to give up my official position in the Bulbian Church to become Queen of Candia, but… well, I had a very interesting career while I was there. I don’t know exactly what kind of legacy that left.” 

Saccharina hesitated, holding a book tight in her hands. “You… the nuns all thought you were very good.” 

And that glowing recommendation was the exact reason she didn’t trust her. 

“Oh.” Citrina didn’t seem thrilled by that news, but she wasn’t upset either. “It’s strange to think, of people considering me a figure to look up to.” 

“But you’re the Queen.” Despite how tightly wound up she was the words spilled out without meaning to, and Saccharina winced inwardly, but didn’t take it back.

“That’s true.” Citrina looked down at one of the books, a deep green one with a worn cover. “I suppose… what did they say about me?” 

Saccharina looked away. The nuns had said a lot about Citrina, both as a Queen and a member of the Bulbian Church. Most of it had boiled down to how much she would probably hate Saccharina for what she could do. 

“They said you were one of the most devoted followers of the Bulb in all of Calorum.” She said instead, almost accusingly. 

“That… I definitely can’t claim that.” Citrina said softly, before lightly clearing her throat. “But I don’t want to talk about me. I wanted to make sure everything was alright with you. I… noticed you haven’t been very enthusiastic about services. Even less than Amethar was the time I took him to one when we were younger.” 

She smiled when she said it, trying to lighten the mood, but not even the mention of her father could shake the feeling that this was a trap. Now if Saccharina admitted she didn’t like the church, then Citrina would ask _why,_ and then everything- everything would be _bad._

Maybe Citrina already knew. Maybe Sapphria had told her what Saccharina had told her before, and now Citrina was just trying to get Saccharina to admit it to her face, before she pulled the rug out from underneath her.

“I-” She had to think of a lie. Something. Anything. “It’s- it’s different. Um- the nuns were… really strict about stuff?” 

There. That wasn’t even a lie. But hopefully, it would be enough.

Citrina quickly nodded, not seeming fully convinced, and Saccharina’s heart started beating even faster. “Oh, I see. Is… there something I can do that might make it easier? I know you said you don’t mind, but it’s really not a hassle for us to find a Lacran-speaking priest...”

“Candian is fine,” Saccharina said quickly. “I need to learn it anyway, but…“

Silence stretched out between them for a long moment. Citrina passed Saccharina a book, which she dutifully sorted. 

“... Do I have to go?” Saccharina almost whispered, _certain_ that this would be a step too far. She hadn’t been afraid to push the boundaries in the nunnery, but this was different. She didn’t want to lose her family, her new home. 

“To church?” Citrina seemed a little surprised, maybe a little sad. “I- as members of the royal family-”

Saccharina didn’t need to hear the end of that sentence. Sapphria had already mentioned the increased prominence of the church in recent years. It was in a little bit of chaos following the end of the war, of the loss of some of its most prominent and rising members, but it was still a force to be reckoned with. Members of the royal family openly forgoing it, while not a death sentence, was not advisable. 

“It’s fine.” She blurted out. “I can go- it’s just- different. I’m not used to it.” 

“Saccharina…” Citrina reached a hand out towards her wrist, and Saccharina jerked it back out of reach so quickly she didn’t even register it until she heard Citrina’s soft gasp, saw her hand pull away again. 

She felt her cheeks grow hot, her heartbeat thudding in her ears. “I-”

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.” Citrina interrupted, her hands now folded in her lap. “I can finish the rest from here by myself.”

Saccharina nodded, standing up and spinning out of the chapel as quickly as her legs could carry her. 

* * *

“Did you ever tell your sister what I told you?” Saccharina asked Sapphria during a lesson, in a pause between the two of them going over the guest list of an upcoming banquet in order of arbitrary importance. 

“About what?” Sapphria asked back casually, glancing at her over the guest list with one eyebrow raised.

“About the nunnery,” Saccharina said. “About… my magic.” 

“No, I didn’t,” Sapphria said simply, as if it were nothing. 

“Why not?” 

“Because I’ve found that when I’m told things in confidence, it’s generally wise to keep it that way.” Sapphria put down the guest list, looking at her a little closer. “Did you want me to tell her?”

“No,” Saccharina admitted, and Sapphria nodded, as if that confirmed everything. “But… she’s your sister.”

“And there are things I will never tell her no matter how long we live. Mostly very stupid things.” A smile played on Sapphria’s face, but it was clear she was being serious in her words. “And there are things she has told me that I will not tell you. But I will say that she is nothing if not genuine. It won’t make her think less of you.” 

Saccharina sank back in her chair a little. It had been a while since that day in the chapel, and she had continued going to services, had continued hating every moment of it. Had begun mostly avoiding Citrina where she could. 

“Was she ever upset with Aunt Lazuli?”

“Upset? All the time. They had so many debates over the dinner table the rest of us started taking our food elsewhere.” Sapphria snarked. “But she was never upset at Lazuli’s ability in the arcane, or her lack of faith in the Bulb.” 

Soon enough Sapphria continued on with their lesson, and Saccharina didn’t ask about anything else, letting Sapphria’s words mull about in her head. She considered them, reckoning them with the facts that Citrina _had_ been nothing but nice to her so far. Maybe that niceness would continue if she told her about her magic. About how she used to see her sister. 

But her stomach twisted at the thought, and in the end, she didn’t tell Citrina anything. And she continued despising church. 

* * *

“Ha! Found you!” Saccharina jumped around a bush, a wide smile on her face, rewarded with twin squeals of delight as two toddlers scrambled over each other to escape from their hiding place, giggling madly as they ran as quickly as they could around the garden, Saccharina chasing them just quickly enough so that she was a few steps behind. 

The twins always ran away together, holding hands and dragging each other to their next haphazard hiding spot. Only a couple of months away from their third Saint’s Day, they were very quick runners, with a passion for causing trouble. Right now the castle’s only strategy was tiring them out before they got any ideas. Hence the many, many chasing games. 

Saccharina jumped forward, scooping an arm around Jet’s waist and pulling her back, falling down onto the grass and hugging her tight as she tried to wriggle out, laughing.

“I got you!” Saccharina said, hugging Jet tight and pressing an exaggerated kiss to the top of her head, which just made Jet squeal even more. 

“Ah! Ruby! Help!” Jet giggled, her legs kicking in the air as Saccharina laid down on her back, letting a very heroic Ruby pry her arms open and free her sister, before promptly falling down on Saccharina’s stomach.

“Oof!” Saccharina sputtered. “Rubbbbyyyy!” 

“I got _you!”_ Ruby announced triumphantly, and Saccharina managed to put her hands out before Jet fell on her as well, though she let the twins lay on her, declaring their victory.

“Ah, you got me!” Saccharina declared, holding the back of one hand to her forehead. “I have been _vanquished_ by the terrifying monsters of Candia!” Vanquished was one of her vocabulary Candian words. She was very proud of that one. 

“Noooo Rina, you’re the monster!” Jet corrected, and Saccharina quickly amended her statement.

“Right, right, I have been vanquished by the incredible heroes of Candia! I die!” With one final flourish, she let her limbs fall limp, sticking her tongue out of the side of her mouth in a very ridiculous facsimile of death while the twins cheered. 

“What’s all this about monster slaying?” Saccharina opened her eyes and craned her head to get a vaguely sideways view of whoever had spoken, seeing a cake-shaped man standing by the hedge that marked the boundary of their current game. 

“Calroy, Calroy! We won!” Jet exclaimed, sliding off Saccharina’s chest to sit on the grass next to her. “We beat her!”

“Rina’s the monster,” Ruby explained seriously, and the cake man took a few steps forward, nodding in the way adults often did when they were humouring young children. 

“Hello, Lord Cruller.” Saccharina was still laying on her back, considering Ruby was sprawled on her stomach, but right at that moment, she wasn’t too worried about appearing prim and proper. 

“Hello, Princess. Do you require any assistance?”

“No, we’re having fun.” Saccharina poked Jet’s cheeks, grinning when she batted her hand away. Lord Cruller was a fairly consistent constant in the castle, usually accompanying the Queens to meetings or advising them, or sometimes going with Sapphria on trips to the other nations. He’d always been nice, and the twins liked him a lot. He knew some Lacra, and would speak it to her sometimes when they passed in the halls, even though Saccharina was using Candian more often now, and starting to learn Fructerano too. 

“I can see.” Calroy was standing about ten feet away, his hands held behind him. “I remember when I used to play games like that with my siblings. Though, of course, we were all the same age so things got a lot more intense.” 

“That doesn’t sound fun,” Saccharina said, and Calroy chuckled.

“Oh, it wasn’t at times. I like to imagine it prepared me for war.” 

Saccharina blinked, shifting so that she could see Calroy a little bit, and his chuckle faltered into something more awkward. 

“Heh. Your father laughed at that one.” Calroy looked away before his gaze shifted back. “Did I ever tell you I first met him properly during the war?”

Saccharina’s eyes widened, and she pulled herself up into a sitting position, Ruby automatically shifting to sit in her lap, hugging at one of her arms while Jet sat next to her, all three of them interested at the prospect of a war story. There were a lot of them in Candia, but not many were exactly forthcoming to tell them to the princesses. Especially where their lost fathers, aunts or uncle were concerned. And Calroy was good at making them exciting enough even for the twins. 

“You’d have hardly guessed he was a prince if you didn’t know it already,” Calroy said, lowering himself to the ground. “And he certainly didn’t care where any of his fellow soldiers had come from. Treated regular folks just the same as he did his own sisters.” 

“You were a commoner?” Saccharina interrupted, and Calroy nodded.

“In a way. My father was a merchant, granted a noble title when I was ten, but even then I hardly had a whiff of real royalty until Amethar arrived on the same ship I was on, introduced himself, and nearly broke the deck with his sword.” Calroy smiled easily, was always smiling easily. 

“Did you fight?” Jet asked, and Calroy nodded, a little more seriously.

“It wasn’t as fun as what you two have been doing,” Calroy said. Jet still seemed interested, but Ruby had gotten bored, rolling out of Saccharina’s lap and pulling her twin away to whisper into her ear, both of them giggling and starting to do somersaults on the ground nearby. 

Saccharina twisted around a little to keep an eye on them, but glanced back towards Calroy, uncertain of how to ask him to keep going. 

“Were you friends with my dad?” She finally asked.

Calroy nodded wistfully, his eyes too difficult to really decipher. “He was a great soldier, and a greater man. He would have loved to meet you.” 

Saccharina smiled loosely. It wasn’t the first time she’d heard such a sentiment (usually from random nobles or people that were probably just trying to get into her good graces) and it wouldn’t be the last, and usually, whenever she heard it, it made her stomach twist in on itself. But when Calroy said it, it was a little easier to believe. 

“I’m sure he would be here playing with the twins as well. Sometimes we came across children, he was always brilliant with them, even in frightening situations.” Calroy continued. “Once we found a child that had gotten lost, and he carried her around on his shoulders and told her stories until we found her family again.”

Calroy sighed, and Saccharina imagined what that might have been like, sitting on her father’s shoulders and hearing him tell her stories of things she had never seen.

“I know we’re not exactly the same,” Calroy cleared his throat, drawing Saccharina’s attention again. “But from one noble raised lowborn to another, it can be tough. If you ever want some advice, I’d be happy to give it.” 

“Oh,” Saccharina said, a little surprised. It had been over a year since she’d arrived in Castle Candy now, and she liked to think she’d settled in well. “Um, Sapphria gave me lessons and stuff.”

Calroy nodded nonchalantly. “I heard, and I know she’s very capable. But there’s some things that someone raised in that life might not realise, even if they’re as smart as Princess Sapphria.” He shrugged. “It’s an open offer, you need not feel pressured. I’m afraid I was only passing through, so I will have to take my leave.”

Calroy stood up, and Saccharina found herself standing up as well. She’d always thought of Calroy as one of the ‘okay’ semi-permanent residents of the castle — that is, he _technically_ didn’t live there, but he was there so often one of the guest bedrooms was permanently set up for him — but now he was different. He wasn’t just a Lord or an advisor or one of his aunt’s friends, he was her _father’s_ old friend. He was someone who hadn’t grown up in a castle or sprawling estate, just like her. 

The cake man waved casually and gave the twins a goodbye that was soundly ignored in favour of whatever new game they had devised before he turned and left. 

Saccharina stayed standing, thinking. She had settled in pretty well, she thought. There were still a lot of things that tripped her up, or made her feel uncomfortable, or that she just didn’t understand. But she was even getting good at faking her way through that stuff as well. She supposed Calroy must’ve done the same thing when he’d become a noble. His father had been granted a noble title when Calroy had been ten… had he felt as unprepared as Saccharina had?

She didn’t think she really needed his help. She had Sapphria’s lessons and her own wits and smarts. She could talk to most people for a little while without needing a translator now. But it was nice to think that there was someone else in the castle who understood parts of what she was going through that even her family just didn’t have the experience of. 

Then the twins were begging her to help them climb a tree, and she didn’t have much time to think about whether she fit in or not even after a year. 

* * *

It was a warm Brightdawn morning, when Saccharina woke up far earlier than she usually did. It was late enough that the sun was beginning to rise, but early enough that Saccharina couldn’t yet hear the bustle that usually overtook the castle in the morning. 

She knew she wasn’t going to be getting back to sleep anytime soon, so Saccharina slipped out of bed, putting on one of her more casual dresses — which was a hundred times fancier than anything she’d worn prior to arriving at Castle Candy, a standard that she still couldn’t help comparing everything to — and then climbing into her wardrobe, pushing the back to reveal the secret passage that lay beyond it. 

The secret passages were some of her favourite parts of the castle. She’d found enough to have a small network of them memorised, some short enough to only link one room to another, others connecting to almost a dozen all throughout the castle. A lot of them were fairly dark, with only small gaps in the sugarstone able to let in light, and Saccharina often found herself dusty when she stepped out of them, but she couldn’t resist using them.

Shimmying through the sometimes narrow pathways that made the passages, Saccharina began heading down in the direction of the kitchens, where she knew some of the workers wouldn’t mind giving her a pastry before her actual breakfast was ready.

The path was a bit more convoluted than it would’ve been if she had just walked out of her room, but she liked the sneakiness of it, looking out through some of the gaps in the walls to watch people walk by, see some of the maids chatting lightly to each other as they carried baskets, watch a page boy trip over his own shoes and swear under his breath since he thought no one was around. 

She had to duck out of the passage she was in and go into another one to get all the way to the ground floor of the castle, humming quietly to herself as she headed towards the kitchens before she heard the sound of a door creaking open. 

Curious, she went and found one of the gaps in the wall, realising she was in the same hallway that had the door that led down to the crypts.

Saccharina visited the crypts every now and then, usually late at night if she couldn’t sleep. She knew Citrina visited them at least once a week, and one time the twins — now nearly four years old and increasingly mischievous — had caused a massive fuss by trying to climb the statues and subsequently getting stuck. She’d never seen Sapphria visit them, but figured she was just even sneakier about it than Saccharina was, and most everyone else in the castle wasn’t supposed to go down there.

So when she saw Queen Caramelinda close the door to the crypts behind her, wiping something from the corner of her eyes, Saccharina gasped.

She didn’t even realise she’d done it until Caramelinda’s head snapped in her direction, and Saccharina covered her mouth with her hands, backing away so that she was pressed against the other wall of the passage.

There was a stiff moment of silence before Saccharina heard light footsteps, and when she finally got the courage to look back through the gap in the wall, she saw Caramelinda walking away, in the direction of a door that led out to the castle gardens. 

After a few more moments of waiting, and perhaps against her better judgement, Saccharina followed.

Caramelinda wasn’t intimidating, exactly. She was undeniably a Queen, with the kind of regal presence that Saccharina was pretty sure you had to be born with, a careful gaze and measured words wherever she went. The only exceptions were when she was with the twins, because then Caramelinda would drop the pretenses and become positively gushy, hugging them and teasing them and catching them to press kisses to their foreheads when they ran past.

But she was still the Queen, she was still Citrina’s wife, she was still big and important and someone Saccharina did not want to upset. So she generally tried to stay out of her way. 

Saccharina found the exit of the passage, brushing dust off her dress before tip-toeing down the corridors as quickly and silently as she could. She’d lost sight of Caramelinda, so instead she tried to guess where she might have gone, going through the door out to the gardens, remembering a time Sapphria had mentioned that Caramelinda liked sugar roses. 

Sure enough, she spotted Caramelinda sitting on a bench behind some bushes, and before she could decide whether or not she actually wanted to talk to her or not, Caramelinda made the decision for her, looking up and spotting her almost immediately.

“Oh, Saccharina. It’s a bit early for you to be awake, isn’t it?” 

Saccharina cleared her throat, taking a few steps forward and holding her hands behind her back. “Yeah, I think I went to bed pretty early last night, so-”

“I don’t suppose you just came out to the gardens to enjoy a bit of fresh air, did you.” Caramelinda looked up at her knowingly, almost a little sadly, and Saccharina winced, knowing as she did that she’d given herself away. 

“I wasn’t trying to follow you,” Saccharina said quickly, even though she definitely had been near the end. She shifted uncomfortably on her feet, and Caramelinda just looked at her, as if waiting for her to ask the questions she knew she had. “Were you… friends with my dad and aunts and stuff?”

A ghost of a smile flickered on Caramelinda’s face and she looked away, and Saccharina took a few steps around the sugar rose bush to see her fingers brushing over a pair of rings on her left hand, one a golden band with tiny jewels inlaid, matching a ring that Saccharina had seen Citrina wearing as well. The other was a dark silver, with a single dark blue jewel that one of Caramelinda’s fingers was touching. 

“I was. I first met them all when I was young. At Rococoa’s eighteenth Saint’s Day, actually. It was a rather important celebration for the kingdom.” Saccharina was used to Caramelinda speaking relatively firmly, confidently, with the kind of voice that demanded attention. She would be softer with the twins, quieter with Saccharina and her aunts and Amanda, but right now she was almost whispering, her tone fond and wistful and sad. 

Quietly, Saccharina took a spot on the bench, on the other end from where Caramelinda was sitting. 

The queen exhaled slowly. “I don’t know if you knew, but I was married to Lazuli first.” 

Saccharina blinked. She _definitely_ hadn’t known that. 

“What? But-” Saccharina shut her mouth, trying to think if she’d been told this and just forgotten, if there had been clues she’d missed, if people had been actively trying to hide it-

“Most don’t talk about it much. Out of respect to me, I believe. And Citrina.” Caramelinda said. “Today is our wedding anniversary.”

“Oh.” Saccharina was thinking back to everything Lazuli had ever told her about her family. So many of the memories were blurry, but surely she would have mentioned a wife, surely- “Is that why you were in the crypts?”

“Yes,” Caramelinda said, pausing before continuing. “It has been a long time, and… my life has changed now. But I like to remember her on days like this.” 

“I don’t think she ever told me-” Saccharina let her voice trail off before she realised what she’d said (maybe she _did_ need more sleep) before it sank in all at once and she felt her heart drop to her stomach.

“What?” 

Saccharina looked up to see Caramelinda staring at her, eyes wide, one hand frozen over the rings on her other. 

“I-” Saccharina blanched, feeling the blood drain from her face, a pang of terror running through her. 

“Lazuli has spoken to you?” Caramelinda breathed, her gaze suddenly more intense than Saccharina had ever seen it. 

“She-” Saccharina brought her hands in front of her, wringing them together anxiously. “Yeah- I used to-”

“How? She must have been-” Caramelinda said quickly before stopping herself, running a hand through her hair and taking a deep breath. “... How did you see her?” 

Saccharina was silent for a long moment. Sapphria knew she’d used to see Lazuli, and she hadn’t told anybody else about that. Saccharina had often toyed with the idea of telling someone else about it, but talking about it would then lead to revealing her magic and then- then… then. 

But now she’d gone and put her foot in her mouth in front of Queen Caramelinda, who would almost _certainly_ tell Citrina. 

Probably. But she had to say something. 

“... In mirrors. I used to see her in mirrors all the time, or in the reflection of windows, or in my dreams,” Saccharina said slowly.

“Dreams and mirrors… And she spoke to you?”

Saccharina nodded, and Caramelinda sucked in a sharp breath. “What did she tell you?”

There was another silence. A lot of things Lazuli had told her, Saccharina could no longer remember the exact wording of. Other things she didn’t want to say at all. 

“She… told me about Candia. She told me about you, and Citrina and Sapphria but she never said that you and her…” 

Caramelinda seemed stiff in her seat on the bench, her hands now resting in her lap, breath a little light. 

“I can’t believe it. And do you still see her?”

Saccharina shook her head. “Not since I was… five? I think.”

“Do you know why? Did she just… stop?” Caramelinda’s eyes were shining with emotion and Saccharina didn’t know what to think. The revelation that Caramelinda and Lazuli used to be married had knocked her entirely off-kilter, making her reevaluate almost everything.

She’d _noticed_ that Citrina and Caramelinda were never extremely affectionate with each other but she’d thought that maybe they just saved it for when they were alone. They both seemed to work well together when it came to running the kingdom, and they both loved the twins so much… she had never considered the possibility that they weren’t the first people either of them had married. 

She thought about the few times she’d spoken about Lazuli with Sapphria, realised that she had never told her anything about it either. Wondered how many things that were common knowledge in the castle, in Candia, that she just didn’t know because no one said it aloud. Everyone else (except her, always except her) already knew, so why bother? 

“She… she didn’t want to.” The revelation had knocked her so off-balance, maybe it had lowered her inhibitions too. Maybe if there was anyone to talk about this with… it was Caramelinda. “The nuns did something and they… cut her off.” 

One hand curled around the front of her dress, just over her sternum, just over the scar. 

“The nuns… what did they do?”

Saccharina shrugged helplessly. “They didn’t like me talking about her, or magic, or anything, so they…” She made an extremely vague gesture with her hands, pointedly looking away from Caramelinda and mumbling in a way that hopefully got across her unwillingness to elaborate any further.

“That explains why Sapphria was so insistent on investigating further into…” Caramelinda trailed off before she cleared her throat, seeming to compose herself. “I’m sorry that happened to you, Saccharina. I suppose that’s also why you don’t enjoy the church services.”

Saccharina grimaced, kicking her legs and looking down at the ground. 

“Have you told Citrina about any of this?”

“No,” Saccharina said bluntly. “She might get upset, or-”

Caramelinda’s brow was furrowed. “Upset? Why?”

Well… she’d gone this far, hadn’t she? 

“Because _I_ can do magic. And Bulbians don’t like my magic.” She finally said, speaking all in a rush. “And I _know_ Citrina is nice and _Sapphria_ said she wouldn’t mind but she’s the _Queen_ and she’s _Bulbian_ and-”

“I’m Bulbian as well, you know.” Caramelinda cut in, and Saccharina finally took a breath, feeling another pang of terror. “But I understand what you mean. When it comes to the church… Citrina is in a bit of a league of her own.” 

Saccharina gulped, and Caramelinda continued. “... You can do magic?” 

“Yeah. I think- Aunt Lazuli said it was because I’m so… connected to it that she could visit me. She used to give me tips. And help me get better.” 

Caramelinda fell silent, and Saccharina didn’t dare fill it, feeling like a prisoner waiting for their sentence to be handed down.

“I can’t believe she was able to visit you.” Caramelinda finally said. 

“She was always really nice. And smart.” Saccharina said quietly. “She always said she missed her family a lot. And that… she could sort of see you all sometimes. And she liked making sure you were okay.” 

Caramelinda smiled sadly, half-turning her head to look at Saccharina. “Thank you. She always was brilliant. And sometimes more connected to the world of magic than the world the rest of us were living in.”

They sat together for a few minutes, Caramelinda seeming to just be processing everything she had been told, Saccharina feeling like she was stuck in a surreal dream. 

“I can do magic as well, you know.” Caramelinda finally said. “I don’t do it very often these days but… Lazuli taught me some things as well.”

“Really?” Saccharina glanced up, feeling her heart flutter. 

“Yes.” Caramelinda smiled loosely, holding up her hands. She held one palm-up just above her lap, hovering the other above it and doing a quick gesture with her fingers. After a moment, there was a sparkling of light from her fingertips, dancing along her palm before eventually coalescing into a tiny ball of pure golden orange light.

Saccharina couldn’t stop herself from inhaling sharply, looking up at her aunt with wide eyes.

“That’s the first thing she taught me. To see at night without a candle.” Caramelinda was looking down at the magical light now resting in her palm, her other hand dropping to her side, lips curled up lightly, and face soft. 

Saccharina’s fingers twitched, and after a moment she brought her hands up as well, copying the movements until there was a quivering ball of light in her hands, pale mint green in colour and slightly smaller than Caramelinda’s. “It… it was the first proper magic spell she taught me too. I used to be scared of the dark when I was really little, so…”

She hadn’t been using her magic a lot lately. In the nunnery she had practised in secret all the time, trying not to get caught by the nuns, or sometimes, when she felt particularly defiant or stupid, doing it entirely out in the open to show off. But ever since she had gotten to Candia, she was so busy and so determined not to ruin everything, she’d stopped practising as much. 

Caramelinda looked over at her own tiny piece of magic, the first she’d performed in front of anyone else in a long, long time. And all at once, Saccharina realised that Caramelinda’s eyes were welling up. 

“Oh no.” She was making the Queen cry. That _had_ to be grounds for like, execution. 

Caramelinda must’ve seen her face fall, because she quickly wiped at her eyes, extinguishing her ball of light and smiling thinly. “I’m sorry, I’m a little emotional today. That’s beautiful, Saccharina.”

A little reassured, Saccharina quietly covered her own ball of light, snuffing it out with her hands. “Thanks.”

“Lazuli always wanted to spread magic to future generations eventually. The number of hours she put in trying to discover everything, distill it down so that people besides her could understand it…” Caramelinda sighed. “In a world more forgiving to the arcane, I think she would have been able to do more.” 

“Could you ever get in trouble for doing magic?” Saccharina asked. “Even here?”

“Not in Candia. But outside our borders… it’s more dangerous. Even Lazuli had to brand a lot of her research as alchemy to the rest of Calorum, and the church wasn’t nearly as powerful then as it is now. But here, no, you won’t get in trouble for it.”

Saccharina nodded slowly, her legs still swinging loosely beneath the bench. A moment passed, and then two, and Saccharina felt like her heart had sped up, but in a pleasant way. Magic, even little bits of magic like that, had always given her a rush, and she realised she’d missed that feeling.

If one of the Queens of Candia herself could use magic and was telling her it was okay, she wouldn’t be lying, right? Sapphria had told her she’d be fine two years ago, but there had always been that quiet doubt. 

“Oh.” She whispered. 

“My Lady?” A new voice came from a little ways behind her and Saccharina automatically straightened up, looking over her shoulder only to see Caramelinda’s Champion, Sir Maillard, not dressed in as much armour as she usually was, noting Saccharina’s presence with raised eyebrows. “And Princess Saccharina.” 

“Amanda.” Caramelinda stood up, Sir Maillard meeting her halfway. They took each other’s hands in a way that seemed intimate and familiar, Amanda’s face softening.

Now, Caramelinda wasn’t quite intimidating. But Sir Maillard definitely was. Unlike Citrina’s Champion Theo, who was always very friendly to Saccharina and sometimes played with the twins when he was on what was essentially babysitting duty, Amanda tended to be firmly stuck to Caramelinda’s side and the picture of professionalism, focused on her duty at all times. 

She was polite and mostly pleasant, but not much more than that. Except to Caramelinda.

Saccharina felt like she was intruding on something. 

“How was your morning?” Amanda asked quietly, even her voice seeming smoother than usual.

Caramelinda smiled, glancing towards Saccharina, still sitting on the bench. “It was fine. Saccharina and I started talking, I hope I didn’t keep you waiting.”

“It’s not a problem at all, Your Majesty. I didn’t realise the young princess was an early riser.”

“I’m not usually up _this_ early,” Saccharina said quickly, lest anyone get expectations. 

“It was a very nice discussion,” Caramelinda said, still holding Amanda’s hands. “If you wish, Saccharina, we can talk more about it.”

Saccharina blinked, all at once realising that Caramelinda was probably talking about magic. Talking about magic with her, who had also been taught by Lazuli, who loved Lazuli, who had been married to Lazuli and learned magic and knew _magic._

And she wanted to talk about it more with _her._

“Yeah!” Saccharina said, all at once filled with energy. “Um- I have lessons today but if I finish them really quickly I can come talk and-” and practise. And do more magic. Without fear of anything bad happening because of it, for once in her life.

“I’ll be free this evening.” Even Caramelinda seemed a little excited, shifting between looking at Saccharina and looking at Sir Maillard. “Amanda can come find you.”

Saccharina nodded, and soon Caramelinda and Sir Maillard took their leave, disappearing into their own busy schedules for the day. Saccharina always tried to be focused on her studies but today she absolutely flew through them. Lapin had taken over her lessons a few months ago so that Sapphria could get back to the rest of her job more easily, and his lessons weren’t as fun as Sapphria’s, but today he was surprised at how diligent and thorough her notes were. 

That evening, Saccharina talked a lot about magic, a little about Lazuli, and a tiny bit about the nunnery. Caramelinda offered up her own magic in turn, demonstrating some spells that Saccharina could only dream about, even if they were limited to things that didn’t cause any damage or fuss.

The next time Saccharina saw Sapphria, her eyes were sparkling like she somehow already knew what happened, grinning and saying ‘I told you so’ when Saccharina began to gush about how Caramelinda had offered to teach her some things.

The next time Saccharina saw the twins she pulled them over with the promise of a surprise, showing them her light spell, but adding in some extra sparks. They were utterly entranced, and Saccharina couldn’t stop smiling for the whole day, showing them how she did it and giggling when they tried to copy, their fingers still a little too clumsy to get the movements right. 

And the next time Saccharina saw Citrina, the Queen quietly pulled her aside after dinner and told her that the twins had, rather predictably, blabbed to their mother about the cool magic thing their cousin had shown them and asked if she could see as well. 

Saccharina had done the little light spell, and Citrina had pulled her in for a hug. She didn’t ask why Saccharina hadn’t told her about it before now, or where it had come from, or what else she could do. 

“It’s beautiful.” Citrina smiled, as Saccharina felt like her entire body was releasing tension that had been held in for years. 

* * *

After a few years of living at Castle Candy, Saccharina was sleeping easier now. There weren’t as many nights she laid awake thinking about everything, which she would usually end up spending by sneaking down to the crypts for some peace. But she had never been a particularly deep sleeper, and that hadn’t changed. So when the door to her bedroom creaked open in the darkness of night, she was awake pretty quickly.

“Huh? Jet- is that you?” Blinking away the sleep, Saccharina squinted at the shadow in her doorway, who had frozen when she’d spoken. Too short to be anyone other than the twins, and Ruby was easier to see in the dark. Her only other clue was the softly blinking half-heart necklace around Jet’s neck, which didn’t give off enough light to brighten anything up, but was still visible. Jet had the left half of the heart, and Ruby had the right.

“Rina?” Sure enough, that was Jet’s voice, tiny footsteps sounding on the ground as she made her way to Saccharina’s bed, hands curling around the blanket and eyes wide. “Can I sleep with you?” 

“What’s goin' on?” Saccharina asked, rubbing at her eyes to stay awake. 

“Can’t sleep.” Jet said quietly, and now that she was close Saccharina could see her lower lip trembling a little. 

“What about Ruby?” Saccharina asked, because where one twin was, the other was rarely far behind. It had been a little over a year since the twins had been moved from their mothers’ rooms to their own on Saccharina’s floor, so Saccharina had been pretty sure they’d gotten over all their restlessness from that. 

“She’s snoring, and she kicks sometimes, and- and-” Jet lowered her voice, leaning in closer as if it were a grave secret. “Could you make the light?” 

Saccharina smiled a little, lifting up the blankets and inviting Jet to climb up. “Sure, get in here.” 

Jet was up and burrowed in in a matter of moments, settling down as close as she could while Saccharina rolled onto her back, calling upon a tiny bit of her magic to create a little hovering ball of mint-green light. 

It was surprisingly bright despite its small size, casting the room in long shadows and brightening up their faces. Saccharina looked over to Jet to see her staring up at the light in wonder, pulling the blankets up to her chin. 

“You know it might be harder to sleep if there’s a light,” Saccharina said quietly.

“It’s ok.” Jet said, still looking up at it. “I’m soooo tired, I’ll fall asleep so quick.”

She didn’t _look_ so tired she’d fall asleep in moments, but Saccharina nodded and hummed an agreement anyway. “Right, right, it’s very important for princesses to get lots of sleep.” 

“Does that mean if I’m not a princess I _don’t_ need to sleep?” Jet asked. “Did you get _no_ sleep before you were a princess?”

“I was always a princess,” Saccharina said seriously, her eyebrows pinching together before she forced them to relax. “But…” She took a second to think of the correct way to say it in Candian. “non-princesses also need lots of sleep.”

“But Mama said you didn’t live in a castle before you came here, and princesses live in castles.” Jet continued, yawning lightly. Saccharina dimmed her light, just a little so Jet wouldn’t notice.

“Princesses can live anywhere. And where you live doesn’t make you a princess. My dad was a prince, so that made me a princess. And your mama’s the Queen, which makes you a princess.” 

“ _I’m_ gonna be Queen someday.” Jet said, and Saccharina could only assume that that was something that had been repeated in multiple lessons to make sure it sunk in, from the certainty in the way Jet said it. 

“Mmhmm.” Saccharina hummed, wriggling one of her arms under Jet and pulling her in close for a hug. “The cutest queen everrrrr~” 

Jet covered her mouth to stifle her giggle, before latching onto Saccharina and hugging her back. 

“Okay, okay, you gotta go to sleep now,” Saccharina whispered, dimming the light even more and quickly smooching the top of Jet’s head. 

“Goodnight, Rina~” Jet snuggled in close, and Saccharina extinguished the light completely, making sure the blankets completely covered them both.

There was silence for exactly three seconds before Jet whispered, “I love youuuuu-”

Saccharina hugged her even tighter, thankful the light was gone now. She’d never had sisters, she’d never been allowed to play with the other kids at the nunnery. And the twins technically weren’t her sisters but they felt like them all the same. “I love you too, Jet.” 

It didn’t take long for Jet to fall asleep after that. When Saccharina woke up in the morning she wasn’t surprised to find that Ruby had more successfully snuck her way in at some point afterwards, sprawled out on top of the blankets, and Saccharina just closed her eyes again, deciding to enjoy the moment for a little while longer. 

  
  


* * *

“What do you think?” Sapphria stepped back, allowing Saccharina to look at herself in the mirror, wide-tooth comb in hand. 

Saccharina turned her head from side to side, bringing a hand up to lightly bounce her loose curls, and looking closely at the edges that Sapphria had carefully styled. A tiny tiara adorned the top of her head with matching earrings to complement the blue and purple dress she was wearing. 

“I love it,” Saccharina said, bouncing up and down a little to make sure her tiara wouldn’t fall out before turning around.

One thing she had never anticipated enjoying after coming to Candia was her hair. The nuns had never been particularly gentle, with her especially, and that had extended to her hair as well. Her mother had used to take care of it, but Saccharina had been too young to notice what she was doing, much less remember it. Saccharina tried to take care of it as best she could by herself, but with no guidance on how, it hadn’t been healthy.

Candia had been different. Sapphria had pointed out the tangles and damage right away and offered to start helping Saccharina style and take care of it. But rather than lots of tugging and pulling that left her scalp sore for days, Sapphria was gentle and methodical, combing it until it felt healthier than it ever had. Saccharina’s hair was a bit different than the rest of her family’s, thanks to her mother’s genes, but after a bit of experimenting, Sapphria had figured out a routine that worked.

“Then I think we’re just about ready,” Sapphria said with a smile. “Prepared for your first foreign ball?”

Saccharina nodded firmly, even as she ran through her list of things to not forget no matter what. 

They were in Vitis, the second largest city of Fructera, deep in the heart of Uvano territory. It was a celebration of the establishment of House Uvano exactly three hundred and fifty years ago, and royalty and representatives from across Calorum had been invited to attend. 

From Candia, this meant Princess Sapphria, their highest-ranking diplomat, and an entourage of other nobles they saw fit to bring along. And Saccharina had thought it would be _only_ Sapphria, and maybe Queen Citrina as well from the royal family, until Sapphria had asked her if she would like to accompany her. 

So of course she’d said yes. 

And now here they were, making their final preparations before heading down to the ballroom of Castle Uvano, where they were staying for the week as honoured guests. 

Saccharina was excited. She was fourteen now, familiar enough with events like this that she wasn’t worried about making any terrible, embarrassing mistakes. Instead, she had found plenty to enjoy, from the food to the dances to hanging around Sapphria and listening to her talk about all the gossip she had found out just from a quick breeze around the dance floor. 

Brushing down her dress one final time, Saccharina took a deep breath before falling into step next to Sapphria as they left their chambers. Her aunt was dressed up as well, having gotten her hair freshly braided before they’d left Candia, weaving purple coloured strands through it for extra decoration. 

A servant led them through the corridors down towards the ballroom, stopping them just in front so that they could wait to be formally announced and enter alongside all the other visiting dignitaries, diplomats and royalty. 

If there was one thing that could be said about Fructera, it was that they knew how to decorate. The walls and ceiling of the ballroom were magnificent, with grand, vibrant paintings depicting myths and events from centuries ago, statues and art pieces lining the sides of the room, and a band softly playing music that Saccharina had never heard before. Most of the Fructeran nobles were easily distinguished by their ostentatious formalwear and, for the women, extraordinarily fancy hairstyles, and there was even an ice sculpture at the centre of the room, depicting a large bird in flight.

“Duchess Plumbeline.” Sapphria took her over to the hostess of the celebration, a tall, purple-skinned woman in her late twenties who was actually dressed quite simply when compared to her Fructeran peers. She spoke in Fructerano, which Saccharina wasn’t as confident in as she was with her Candian, but Saccharina was relieved to find that she was able to follow along relatively well. “I believe this is the first time you’ve had the opportunity to meet my niece, Princess Saccharina.” 

The duchess had a small, pleasant smile on, and when she looked down at Saccharina, she seemed intrigued. “You believe correctly, Your Royal Highness. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Saccharina.” 

“You as well, My Lady.” Saccharina curtsied politely, knowing that not only was Plumbeline the hostess, she was also the sovereign ruler of Fructera _and_ the daughter of the Concordant Emperor himself. Sapphria had spoken about her before, in terms that made Saccharina very confused about whether she liked her or not. Definitely not someone to slip up around. 

“I’ve heard a bit about you from Princess Sapphria.” Plumbeline said, her smile becoming a little playful as she looked up to Sapphria. “From what she’s told me, you’re quite a talented young woman.” 

“I’m a quick learner,” Saccharina said confidently, holding her hands behind her back. 

Plumbeline hummed thoughtfully. “I’m certain you are, if you are anything at all like your aunt.”

“You flatter me, Duchess.” Now Sapphria was smirking, the two older women looking at each other rather than Saccharina.

“Oh, I was talking about the Queen,” Plumbeline said, and Sapphria laughed lightly. 

Great, now Saccharina was confused about whether either Plumbeline or Sapphria liked the other. Adults were weird. Or maybe she’d just missed something in the Fructerano.

She slipped away from the two of them exchanging barbs (that were either playful or insulting, she couldn’t tell the difference) as quickly as she could, beginning to feel a little nervous. She recognised some of the people as fellow Candians or people that had visited Candia before, but most of them were decades older than her and not exactly the type she was keen to hang out with for the entire night. 

But she supposed it would be unlikely that there were too many people her age-

“Saccharina!” She pivoted around, a little surprised at hearing her name called out from across a ballroom, just in time to see Princess Annabelle Cheddar making her way across the room at a speed just _slightly_ faster than what could be considered appropriate, wearing a blue and white dress with lace and stitching typical of the Dairy Islands, even if she was picking at the sleeves as she walked. 

“Annabelle!” Saccharina’s face lit up, walking over to meet Annabelle halfway.

She didn’t get to meet with Annabelle often, but it was always fun when she did. It was easier to talk to her, with a smooth camaraderie from their close ages and Saccharina’s early years growing up in the Dairy Islands. And the fact that she could speak in her native tongue as quickly and easily as she liked, which she simply couldn’t do back home. “How are you?” 

Annabelle huffed a little. “About as well as can be expected, I suppose. I’m just trying to avoid my father.” 

“What’s he doing now?” Saccharina looked around for Prince Tarthur, but she couldn’t spot him in the crowd.

“Probably off looking for some poor boy to try to get me to marry.” Annabelle scrunched up her nose in clear disgust. “But that’s the usual. How about you?”

“I’m good. My Aunt Sapphria’s asked me if I want to try coming with her to some court and policy meetings with her to see if I like them.” Saccharina puffed her chest out a little, and Annabelle ‘ooh’ed approvingly. 

“Do you reckon you’d be any good at that stuff?” 

“Auntie thinks so. She says I don’t have to say anything in them, I can just watch for a while. But I think I’ll like them.” Saccharina said. 

“That’s lucky for you.” Annabelle folded her arms lightly, sighing. “I _have_ to do some policy stuff for Father sometimes and I hate them. Some people are _so_ stupid and annoying, and it’s always the people that think they’re the smartest. But Father always says that Princess Sapphria is one of the best at all that politics, so if she thinks you’d be good at it, you probably will be.” 

Saccharina nodded, her smile faltering a little at that, fiddling with her fingers behind her back. Annabelle hummed to herself for a moment before suggesting they get some food and find a corner to sit and chat in, to pass the time before people started dancing. 

A few minutes and two plates of food later, they’d located a suitable secluded bench half-hidden behind a statue of a fancy pineapple lady, where they could talk while being reasonably certain there weren’t a hundred nosy nobles eavesdropping, though speaking in Lacra meant that only a handful would be able to understand them well enough to try. 

“The twins wanted to come too, sooooo badly.” Saccharina was saying, clearing her throat. “They said, ‘we’re nearly _six_ , and that means we’re _basically_ adults and that means we should be allowed to go to every party ever!’ and then when Auntie Caramelinda told them no they were cranky for like, ten minutes before Sir Theo offered to give them piggyback rides instead.” 

Annabelle snorted. “They’re so silly. My cousin Primsy wanted to come too, but her parents are always worried about her, they don’t like her going far from home. I think she’s only a little bit older than the twins.” 

“You’ll just have to have a big party for something so that we have to come to the Dairy Islands, then Primsy’s parents won’t mind her coming because it won’t be far from home, and the twins might be allowed to go too,” Saccharina said matter-of-factly. “Then everyone will be happy.” 

“Oh, yes, I’ll tell my father we _must_ have a party just so our cousins can meet and be friends.” Annabelle put on an airy voice, making Saccharina giggle. 

“People have had parties for way stupider reasons.” She said, and Annabelle nodded in agreement. 

“That’s very true. But they’re all just as annoying.” Annabelle picked at the fabric of her dress again, grumbling. “With annoying dresses and annoying rules and annoying people you’re supposed to talk to. Not you, Saccharina, you’re fun.”

“I know what you mean,” Saccharina said, taking a small sip of her drink. “But I don’t mind parties so much anymore. They used to be horrible.” 

“I’m happy you’ve found some fun in them.” Annabelle sighed. “I don’t know how much longer I can take it all.” 

Saccharina was quiet, her eyebrows pinching together. “Is everything okay?” 

“Oh, it’s fine. I’m a princess, after all.” Annabelle rolled her eyes. “Only heir to the throne of a kingdom still wrecked by war, with the expectation that I’ll marry some prince or lord and have a bunch of kids as soon as possible.” 

There wasn’t exactly much Saccharina could say to that. There were three people ahead of her in line to the throne, and marriage was far from something she had to worry about. 

“Do you miss the Dairy Islands, sometimes?” Annabelle tilted her head towards her, looking slightly curious, slightly exhausted. “Before you became a princess?” 

Saccharina’s mouth tightened, and she looked down at her full plate of food for a moment. “Not really.” 

She realised that that could perhaps be interpreted as a slight against the Dairy Islands too late, but Annabelle didn’t seem offended. Instead, both of them had sobered up as the soft music playing from the band transitioned to a jauntier tune.

“I don’t think I’d miss being a princess,” Annabelle said softly. “If I wasn’t one, you know.” 

Saccharina couldn’t help but look back at her with a raised eyebrow, and Annabelle held up her hands. “I know, I know, life’s a lot harder for regular people. But if I can have all this wealth and power and _still_ be totally miserable, then what’s the point of having it at all?”

“What would you do?” Saccharina asked. Immediately, Annabelle perked up. 

“I would sail. I’d be Captain of my _own_ ship and crew and I’d sail all around the Dairy Islands, and one day, I’d go beyond Calorum itself. Just me, and the ocean. And my ship. And my crew. And I wouldn’t ever get married unless I wanted to.”

Saccharina’s mouth turned up a little, and she thought about that. “I do miss the ocean sometimes, I think.”

“Yeah?” Annabelle looked at her curiously. “I can’t imagine not having it so close by all the time.” 

“It took me a while to get used to not hearing it at night,” Saccharina admitted. “We weren’t supposed to get too close to it most of the time in the nunnery, but sometimes I’d sneak out by myself.” 

“I remember the first time I spent a night somewhere other than the Dairy Islands, I couldn’t sleep at all,” Annabelle said. “The ocean and stars are in our blood.”

“We can still see the stars wherever we go, at least.” Saccharina smiled wistfully. “Princess or not.” 

Annabelle leaned back, looking out across the ballroom, and Saccharina surreptitiously followed her gaze until it fell on her father, standing on the other side of the room next to a woman and her teenage son, the two adults chuckling between one another. Saccharina glanced back just in time to see Annabelle’s face harden a little.

“Hmm.” Annabelle put her plate to the side, tearing her eyes away from the direction of her father to instead look at Saccharina, her face brightening up. “C’mon, let’s go do some dancing.” 

* * *

There was a big, very old tree in the middle of the palace gardens, one tall enough to stretch higher than the hedges, higher than even most of the other trees, with peppermint branches getting thinner and leaves fewer until, if you managed to climb high enough, you could see almost the entire gardens and beyond from above. 

Saccharina was in a constant battle with the twins to see who could climb that tree the highest. She was older and stronger, but the twins were smaller and more nimble, and the competition was fierce, though usually, the twins were a bit too nervous to climb _too_ high.

So her record, marked by a blue ribbon that flew proudly in the breeze, was left unbeaten. Until one Harvestdawn day where Ruby had finally managed to get a good four branches higher, perching smugly and tying her own ribbon to the tree while Saccharina clambered her way up to defend her title from a seven-year-old. 

Jet stuck to the lower branches where she could swing upside down and shout out encouragement to her sister and cousin in turn, while Ruby giggled as Saccharina got closer and closer. 

It was all very fun until one of the branches snapped, sending Saccharina plummeting fifteen feet to the ground. 

“Rina!” Jet was the first to climb down the rest of the tree and run to her side. “Are you okay?”

Saccharina was lying on her side, her head ringing from the shock of the fall, but as soon as she began to move, pain shot through her arm, and she couldn’t help but gasp in pain, wincing and curling in around the broken limb.

“I’m getting Mama!” Jet declared in a panic, bolting off towards the castle.

Breathing heavily, Saccharina rolled onto her other side to get her own weight off her arm, biting her tongue to stop from openly crying and haphazardly wiping tears from her face with her shoulder.

It took her a moment to gather herself, holding her broken arm across her chest with her hand and trying to blink through the pain long enough to summon her magic. 

“Rinaaaaaa-” Ruby had made her way down the tree as well, lightly shaking Saccharina’s shoulder and distress clear in her voice. “Are you dying?” 

Snorting out a short laugh, Saccharina closed her eyes, finally feeling her magic kick into gear, a cool, sharp but comforting sensation transferring from her hand to her arm, numbing the pain like she’d stuck it in a bowl of ice-cold cola. “I-I’m okay, I’m okay-” 

It didn’t heal it completely, and when Saccharina pulled herself up into a sitting position, she could feel aches on her hip and legs as well, but an aching and maybe cracked bone was far better than a broken one, especially when Ruby was sitting right next to her with wide, shimmering eyes, fat tears ready to spill at any moment.

“I’m fine, see?” Saccharina tried to hold back another wince, waving her hands loosely in front of Ruby.

“I thought you were _dead,”_ Ruby said in the frank way that only children could manage.

“I’m never dying.” Saccharina smiled awkwardly. “But- maybe next time I’ll be more careful climbing. I’m okay, though.” 

Her entire body ached whenever she moved, and Ruby’s lip trembled whenever she grimaced, so Saccharina stayed sitting on the ground for a while, wishing she had more magic than she did. She was practising again now, with Caramelinda’s help, but Caramelinda wasn’t a healer. 

“ARE YOU DEAD YET RINA?” Jet shouted out to signal her return long before she actually appeared, dragging Queen Citrina behind her. 

“I’m fine!” Saccharina called out, rubbing her hurt arm, feeling the blood rush to her cheeks from embarrassment when Citrina arrived, looking extremely worried. “I healed myself, it’s not a big deal.” 

“Jet told me you fell from the tree.” Citrina knelt down next to her, holding out her hands to ask to look at her arm. After a long moment, Saccharina held it out. 

Saccharina rubbed any wayward tears that were left from her eyes. “Yeah, but I’m okay. Sorry she brought you over for no reason.” 

“It’s not for no reason.” Citrina smiled reassuringly, her hands beginning to glow with soft golden light. Unlike Saccharina’s healing, Citrina’s was warm, sinking deep into her skin. While she did it, Saccharina could see Citrina taking the moment to look over her daughters, checking that they were uninjured.

“Alright, I think that’s enough tree climbing for today.” She said, letting go of Saccharina’s hand once her spell was finished to press a kiss to each of the twins’ foreheads. “Why don’t you two go get something to eat?” 

“I’m not hungry!” Jet announced.

“Okay, why don’t you go get Saccharina something to eat then?” Citrina countered, and this was obviously a far more appealing idea, the twins glancing at each other before immediately racing off with promises of making (not just retrieving, _making_ ) the absolute best thing they possibly could from the kitchen. 

“There they go.” Citrina watched the twins go fondly, before turning back to Saccharina. “Now, are you sure you’re alright?” 

Oh. Citrina had sent the twins away in case Saccharina was just putting on a brave face in front of them. 

Without saying anything, Saccharina tested her arm, stretching it out a little and moving her hand. “I think you fixed the rest of it up.” 

“That’s good.” Citrina leaned back a little, the both of them sitting beneath the giant peppermint tree. It had been a long time since Saccharina had been alone with Citrina. “Was it very bad before you used your own healing?”

Saccharina shrugged, still holding her now-healed arm close to her chest. It didn’t hurt anymore, the two doses of magic leaving nothing but a slight tingling sensation behind. “It was broken, I think. But I was okay, I could’ve handled it.”

“I know.” Citrina smiled. “You’re very capable, but I don’t mind. I hate to see my family hurt.” 

Saccharina’s eyes dropped to the ground. She had been at Castle Candy for over five years now, and she still couldn’t help but keep her distance from Citrina. She had found out about her magic and absolutely nothing had happened because of it, she had never been anything but nice and still if Saccharina had to rank her family members based on who she would go to with a problem, she would probably put Lapin above Citrina. 

It wasn’t that she still didn’t _trust_ her. She trusted Citrina to be nice, and to be a good aunt, and to not force her to participate in church and not hold it against her when she slipped out once it was over. 

But they’d never really talked about any of it. So instead they sat in a strange sort of limbo between the two of them. One that Saccharina found was only making her sadder as time went on. She loved her family, she loved _all_ her family, she wanted to be certain they all loved her back.

“Do you like me?” Saccharina finally asked, feeling like it was the stupidest question in the world. 

Predictably enough, Citrina blinked, a look of confusion and mild horror crossing over her face before she answered. “Of course I do!” 

“Even though I don’t like church, and I do magic that isn’t Bulbian, and I never talk to you?” Saccharina bit the inside of her cheek.

Citrina seemed momentarily at a loss for words, shaking her head before speaking again. “Saccharina- I would like you no matter what. You are a wonderful, incredible girl, and you are my niece, and nothing that you could do will change that I love you.”

“What about my magic? Why don’t you care about my magic? All the nuns hated me for it.” Saccharina’s voice dropped low and quiet, and she didn’t meet her aunt’s eyes. “They said _you’d_ hate me for it if we ever met.” 

She heard Citrina gasp softly, and chanced a glance up to see her covering her mouth with her hands.

“Saccharina, I promise I would never hate you for your magic. Magic is a gift, no matter where it came from. It’s what you do with your gifts that are important, and I’ve never seen you do anything but good.”

On one level, that declaration was reassuring. On another, it only got Saccharina more worked up.

“I don’t understand you. I always thought you were like, the biggest Bulbian ever. You should hate me.” 

Citrina didn’t speak for a moment, biting her lip and seeming to hesitate between reaching out to Saccharina and keeping her hands in her lap. 

“The Bulb is one of the most important figures in my life.” She finally said. “It guides me, it protects me, and it loves me. It called me to its service and I answered until the Candian Crown fell at my feet.” She paused, taking a slow breath. “But the Bulb and the Bulbian Church are two separate beings. The Church is run by mortals, with mortal interpretations of divine words, with its own agendas that are not always pure. I follow the Bulb, and the Bulbian Church follows the Bulb, but we do not always agree.” 

“So- so-” Saccharina inhaled, trying to make sense of all of this. “But then- do _you_ even like the church?”

“That… is a complicated answer,” Citrina said softly. “I love what the Church could be, I love the people it has helped and the people that serve it. But I also love the people it has hurt, and I cannot ignore the ways it has been used to hurt. Or the people that have used it to hurt.” At the last sentence, Saccharina saw Citrina’s eyes flicker away, becoming distant for just a moment, and she wondered whether this was yet another thing she might have fully understood if she had grown up in Castle Candy her whole life. 

“For a long time, I thought you didn’t like me,” Citrina said, lightly holding up a hand when Saccharina opened her mouth to try to justify herself and continuing on. “I don’t hold it against you, I promise. You don’t have to tell me what happened to you in the nunnery, but I know Sapphria wouldn’t have dedicated time to making sure the ones in Candia were investigated for child safety for no reason.” 

“She did that?” Saccharina asked, pulling at the sleeves of her tunic anxiously. 

Citrina nodded. “In the final year or so before I became Queen of Candia, I spent a lot of time trying to change the church. To make sure it was as strong as it could be, that it allowed the light of the Bulb to shine as brightly as possible. To stop those who might use its influence for bad. But I didn’t have enough time. And despite my reputation and influence, I cannot stop them from reversing everything I tried to do. I could not stop them from hurting people, hurting my family. And I’m so, so sorry that they hurt _you_.”

Saccharina sniffed. “Did you want to leave the church?” She asked tentatively. She knew from her lessons that Citrina had essentially been forced to renounce her official position within the church (she was still a member, of course, just as they all were) in order to be crowned Queen of Candia. Conflict of interest and separation of church and state and all that. 

Citrina smiled forlornly. “That doesn’t quite matter anymore. It was my duty to accept the Crown, and so I did.” 

Saccharina didn’t tend to think very highly of duty. The nuns had considered it their duty to punish her, people had done all sorts of horrible things in the name of duty. But she’d heard Citrina talk about duty a few times, and she always seemed to take it seriously. Duty wasn’t just following rules or stopping someone from doing something because it was wrong. When Citrina talked about duty, usually it seemed to mean helping people. Making things better. Taking something on for the benefit of everyone. 

She had one final question. “Did the church ever hurt you?” 

Citrina fell quiet, all soft and round edges and calm demeanour even though the silence was sharp and stiff. 

“It did, once.” She finally said. “A long time ago.”

A ghost of a smile flickered across her face, and slowly, Saccharina reached out a hand to cover one of hers. 

“I do like you.” She said. “For what it’s worth.”

“And I have always loved you.” Citrina’s smile became a little more defined, and the corner of Saccharina’s mouth curled up as well. 

They only had enough time to sit together in comfortable silence for a few minutes more before the twins returned, laden down with pastries that they had almost undoubtedly stolen from the kitchens, practically throwing them in Saccharina’s direction before tackling their mother. Saccharina laughed, the few aches and bruises that remained from her fall fading into almost imperceptible memory. 

* * *

Whenever Saccharina wasn’t busy with lessons, or helping Sapphria with something, or practising her magic, she had a few hobbies to fill up her time. Fencing was a good one because it was elegant and smooth and she could usually find Calroy or Theo or one of the other knights that would be available to spar with her.

Sometimes she just liked to roam around the secret passages, of which she now knew of quite a few. Enough to almost get around the entire castle without being seen at all if she did it right. Sometimes she would go to the grand library that was near the back of the castle, or she would go out in the garden, or see if there was anything happening in the kitchens. 

When she was feeling particularly sentimental she would go down to the crypts and sew milk silk, which had to be imported specially for her. She wasn’t particularly good at it, and she had to teach herself from a book, but the only one who was in the crypts on a very regular basis was Citrina, and she kept such a routine that it was easy for Saccharina to avoid her if she wanted to, and it helped her unwind.

But sometimes none of those options were very appealing, like today. She felt a bit too restless for the crypts or a book, too unfocused for fencing, wandering around just felt a bit boring, and Sapphria was visiting some senators in Ceresia, a trip that Saccharina hadn’t been invited on, even though she’d been venturing into politics more and more.

Luckily for her, however, she wasn’t the only bored princess in the castle that day.

“Rina?” Saccharina looked away from the balcony she’d been staring at in hopes of getting an epiphany to see Ruby standing in her doorway, a slight pout on her face and shifting from one foot to the other.

“Yeah?” Saccharina tilted her head, and Ruby stepped inside, quickly crossing the distance across Saccharina’s room to put her hands on the arm of the chair Saccharina was sitting in.

“Are you doing anything? I’m bored.” 

“Where’s Jet?” 

“With Mama. Doing special lessons.” Ruby said, and Saccharina understood. Being heir to the kingdom, at least in Queen Citrina’s eyes, meant extra lessons every now and then.

“You didn’t want to tag along this time?”

“No…” Ruby’s voice trailed off. “They were _extra_ boring today.” 

Saccharina nodded in understanding. “Well… I wasn’t really doing anything… but I bet we can figure something out.” 

Ruby smiled a little, and Saccharina got off her chair, gently smooshing Ruby’s cheeks together before they made their way out of her room. 

As they walked, Saccharina tried to suggest anything she could think of that could entertain the two of them.

“We could… climb a tree?”

“Hmm. That’s not as much fun without Jet.” 

“Cartwheel competition?”

“I always beat you!” 

“Painting?”

“I don’t like painting anymore.” That statement was accompanied with a small huff as if Ruby was disappointed in Saccharina mixing up the many, many interests the young princess had had over the past few years. 

“We could prank Theo?”

“I promised Jet we could prank someone once she was finished with Mama.” 

“Well, we can’t break a promise…” Saccharina tried to think but found herself simply humming with no answers. 

That was the thing with Ruby. It was usually Jet _and_ Ruby. Having fun with both of them together was almost too easy. But just one? That was a bit more difficult. And just Jet was usually okay. She was rowdy, all you had to do was give her a stick or a wooden sword and she’d chase you all around the gardens. But Ruby could love one activity one day and then not care about it the next. 

“Hmm. We could go to the library and make fun of all the paintings of our ancestors.” Saccharina mused aloud. 

To her surprise, Ruby giggled before saying, “Okay. We can do that.”

“Oh?” 

“Yeah! And you can do your Lapin voice.”

And so it was decided. They stopped halfway to the library so that Ruby could clamber up onto Saccharina’s shoulders, and then when they got there, Saccharina marched all the way through to the back of the library, where there were numerous fancy portraits of the kings and queens from Candia of old. 

Even though her shoulders were beginning to ache, Saccharina cleared her voice and put on her best impression of Lapin. 

It was a terrible impression, but the twins always thought it was the most hysterical thing they’d ever heard.

“And here we have our most _magnanimous_ Queen Albeni, mother to the _illustrious_ King Jadain the Third, grandmother to our very own _divine_ Queen Citrina and _cunning_ Princess Sapphria, and of course, great-grandmother to the _incredibly adorable_ Princesses Ruby and Jet and myself.” Saccharina squeezed Ruby’s ankles, the princess giggling and wrapping her arms around Saccharina’s head.

“Queen Albeni’s greatest achievement was, of course, tripping over her dress directly in front of the King of Vegetania, plunging all of Candia into a disgrace that we have yet to claw our way out of.” Saccharina exaggerated her sentences on odd words, her Lapin impression getting absolutely mangled as she did it, but she was rewarded with Ruby’s laughter and the fond knowledge that Lapin himself would probably not care at all. 

“Did Queen Albeni have a sister like me?” Ruby asked, and Saccharina dropped the impression for a moment, thinking.

“Um… I think she had a younger brother.”

“Oh. What was he like?” 

Saccharina wracked her brain trying to think about it, but honestly couldn’t even conjure the long-dead Prince’s name. So she decided to go another route. “Probably a big trouble-maker like you.”

She crouched down so that Ruby could get off her aching shoulders, tickling her for a few moments and getting some giggles, before Ruby looked back up at the portrait of their great-grandmother, then some of the other ones. “What about all the rest?” 

Saccharina sat down on the ground and began pointing out at all the portraits, naming each king or queen, and how far back their relation was to them. Ruby nodded at each one and then asked the same question. 

Did they have a brother or sister? What about _them?_

Saccharina honestly could only name one or two. Only because they had tried to stage a coup, or done something equally unpleasant. Ruby hadn’t seemed particularly pleased with that information. 

“Is Mama going to get a painting in here someday?” Ruby eventually asked, and Saccharina looked up at the wall. Not _every_ Candian King or Queen was up there, only some of the most accomplished (King Jadain the Third was a notable absence), but Queen Citrina was certainly accomplished.

“I think so,” Saccharina said. 

“Will _Jet_ get a painting in here someday?” Ruby was looking at her now, and Saccharina was starting to feel a little unsettled. 

“... I think so.” 

There was a long pause, before Ruby asked another question. “Will you or me get a painting in here someday?” 

Saccharina opened her mouth to say yes again, before looking back at the wall. They were all Kings and Queens. A direct line, up to hundreds of years ago. 

“I don’t know.” She ended up saying, staring at the painting.

There was another pause, before Ruby huffed, her lower lip sticking out. “I want a painting.” 

Not being heir was not something that ever really bothered Saccharina. It had never been an expectation, and being Queen wasn’t something that she really wanted. She wanted a family, and she had that now. Jet was a rambunctious scamp, but she was also an eight-year-old, and with her mothers and aunt to guide her, Saccharina was sure she’d end up being a great queen eventually.

But Saccharina had never given much thought to what would happen in the future. Far in the future, long after her death. Being remembered. She would probably be remembered just because of the rather unusual circumstance of her birth and early life, but beyond that? 

Hmm. It was something she hadn’t considered, and now she didn’t know if it bothered her or not. 

She supposed it wouldn’t really matter, because by the time people would start to forget her, she’d be dead already, but now it was in her head. She could name all the King and Queens of Candia up to about twenty generations or so ago, but barely three of their siblings, not including Aunts Rococoa and Lazuli, or her father, or Great-Uncle Joren. 

Surely, she’d be able to find the records of them somewhere, probably in this very library, but would it be more than names, dates of birth, dates of death? Perhaps a few notable achievements, a marriage, a number of children? 

Being heir didn’t matter to Saccharina. But being remembered… 

She looked away from the portraits of the Kings and Queens, glancing down to Ruby, who still seemed focused simply on the idea of getting a painting. Saccharina doubted Ruby was thinking it all through to the depth that she was. 

“You know…” Saccharina said. “I know you said you didn’t like painting anymore, but what if we tried something new with it?” 

Ruby glanced at her, tilting her head curiously and her eyes lighting up. “Really? Like what?” 

Saccharina just grinned, and ten minutes later they were in Ruby and Jet’s room, pulling out all the paints and easels and canvas that Ruby had abandoned a few weeks ago, Saccharina hushing Ruby’s giggles whenever someone walked by like it was a big important secret. 

Thanks to Ruby’s relatively short patience, their paintings were completed quickly, and that’s when they dove into the secret passages, flitting from room to passage to room to passage again until they made their way back to the library, still-drying paintings held carefully so they wouldn’t smudge. 

It took some time for them to track down some frames, and then to figure out how to hang the paintings on the wall, but soon enough there were two fresh portraits alongside the great Kings and Queens of Candia. Both were slapdash and rushed with varying levels of skill, and smaller than the grand professional portraits, but unmistakably of the Princesses Saccharina and Ruby.

“Hmm. We’ll have to get some plaques.” Saccharina said, rubbing her paint-stained fingers together as she surveyed her work.

Ruby nodded in agreement beside her, before grinning. “With our names on it?”

“Of course,” Saccharina said. “And no one will be allowed to take them down because we put them up ourselves.” 

“Yeah!” Ruby clapped her hands together, looking up at her portrait with pure delight. 

It wasn’t much longer after that that they heard Jet calling out among the hallways, her special lessons finally over, and the princess desperate for anything more interesting. Immediately Ruby was gone, barrelling into her twin and dragging her over to show her the paintings, which of course led to Jet doing a dozen different poses while Saccharina and Ruby painted her. 

Ruby lost interest in painting again fairly quickly, moving on to sewing, and then pottery, and then the violin. Their paintings did stay up for now, and they did get plaques, though Saccharina was uncertain on exactly how permanent they would be.

There wasn’t really much point in worrying about what people would think of her after she was gone. Saccharina had her family, she knew the twins were going to grow up and emblazon their names in history, both together and individually, and she had hopes of doing the same, somehow. 

And if she and the twins would sometimes find hidden places — quiet and small enough for a future royal child to stumble upon when exploring in thirty or fifty or a hundred or two hundred years for now — and carefully carve their names into the sugarstone, safe and as permanent as a castle could be, well, it was just harmless fun.

* * *

A sea breeze blew past Saccharina’s ears, and despite the occasion, she found herself relaxing against the side of the ship, her chin resting on top of her arms and her gaze drifting out towards the horizon, and not the island that they were slowly approaching.

It was a trip that was a long time coming, and Saccharina finally felt ready for it. Their ship was small and quick, with no cargo to trade or messages to deliver. They hadn’t even visited Lacramor for a diplomatic visit. Saccharina didn’t want to visit Lacramor anyway. Annabelle wasn’t there anymore, so there was no one she was interested in seeing. 

“We’ll be arriving shortly, Princess.” A voice said from behind her, and Saccharina looked over her shoulder to see Sir Theo standing there, all suited up in his armour and prepared for action, even though the entire trip had been smooth sailing thus far. But with two princesses on board, Candia didn’t want to take chances. So one of the Queen’s Champion’s was with them as well. 

“I know. Thanks, Theo.” Saccharina straightened up a little, tucking some loose curls behind her ears and turning back around to look at the ocean. 

She heard Theo clear his throat and take a few steps forward, and soon he’d joined her at the side of the boat. “It’s a beautiful place.” 

“It is.” Saccharina agreed. Far enough away from the nunnery, at least. 

They docked shortly after, at a tiny little pier for a tiny little village on one of the tiniest of the already tiny Crema Islands. Even nearly a decade and a half later Saccharina could still see the remnants of war, some buildings left in rubble while others had been rebuilt, remembered learning about how the Crema and Matsoni islands had been almost entirely ruined by the Ravening War, crushed by battle in Ceresia’s attempts to get to Lacramor. 

She had nothing but the faintest of memories of this island, but this was where she had spent the first four years of her life. 

“Ready to go?” Sapphria stepped out of the captain’s quarters while the sailors secured the ship to the dock, sidling up next to Saccharina and offering her an elbow to hold on to.

All of Saccharina’s family had known about this trip, and had offered to accompany her if she wanted them, but Saccharina had wanted it to be small. Private. There had been no hesitation in her mind that Sapphria was the one she wanted to be there. 

Sapphria had been there once before, she’d been the one to find Saccharina just over seven years ago. Even more than that, Sapphria had kept her secrets, encouraged her talents, and taken care of her. Not that everyone else hadn’t, but she couldn’t imagine bringing anyone else with her. 

It was a fairly warm day, and Saccharina took Sapphria’s arm as they walked off the boat. Some villagers gawked at them as they walked, keeping their distance, and it was impossible not to draw attention, not when they were so obviously Candian, not when Theo walked behind them with his shield and armour gleaming in the sunlight. 

If she had grown up here her entire life, what would it have been like? 

The graveyard was at the outskirts of town, and the church building that preceded it was old but not crumbling, the building clearly something the village had carefully maintained and taken care of. 

Saccharina was quiet as they walked towards it, and neither Theo nor Sapphria said anything either, with all of the sailors remaining at the dock. 

Inside the church was a single man, hunched over with lumpy pale skin and long, worn robes. He was sitting in a pew at the front of the church, but he didn’t look up when they pushed open the door, only seeming to realise anyone was there when Theo’s armour began clanking on the stone.

“Oh?” He got to his feet and turned, and it took a moment, but Saccharina saw the moment of realisation on his face. “Oh my.” 

“Father Belford,” Sapphria said. “It’s been some time.”

“It has… Princess Sapphria…” Father Belford looked at them through squinted eyes, his gaze eventually landing on Saccharina. “Saccharina…” 

“Hello,” Saccharina said, unexpectedly quiet. She cleared her throat, and when she spoke again, her voice was strong. “I’m Catherine Ghee’s daughter.” 

“I haven’t seen you since you were but a baby.” Father Belford shambled forwards, and when he got close, he smiled warmly. “Ah. As beautiful as your mother was.” 

“I’ve come to see her,” Saccharina said. “I- I know she’s dead, but…” 

She felt Sapphria’s hand squeeze her arm reassuringly, and Saccharina took a breath. “And… if there’s anything you can tell me about her.” 

At Castle Candy, there had been no shortage of people who knew her father. Whether they’d fought alongside him, grown up with him, or just brushed shoulders with him in the hallways. But none of them had ever met her mother. Most of them didn’t even know her name. 

Father Belford’s wrinkled face softened, and began leading them out the back of the church, towards the cemetery, beginning to talk as he went. Theo offered his assistance, but the old man declined, collecting a withered cane as they passed the pew he’d been sitting at, and continuing on.

“She was a lovely soul. I gave her her blessings when she was born, even. One of the most gentle girls in the entire village. Sweet and kind. Not a single person could say a bad word about her. But she always declared she would never marry except to the best of men.” Father Belford said, Saccharina hanging on to every syllable. 

“I don’t know what your father did to sweep her off her feet, but I’ve officiated my fair share of weddings, and theirs was one that I knew could last. If they’d had the chance. The time.” He let out a shuddering sigh, before chuckling. “Catherine was radiant. The prince could barely contain himself. I think he was crying from joy before I let them kiss.”

The corner of Saccharina’s mouth curled up, and next to her she heard Sapphria snort.

“And he told me he didn’t cry.” She whispered under her breath, and that made Saccharina’s smile grow wider. 

They passed underneath the shifting low-hanging branches of the trees around them, past the first row of weathered gravestones, names and dates almost erased with age. 

“Of course, the prince couldn’t stay. And with the war being what it was, they decided it would be safer for Catherine to stay in the village.” Father Belford paused on the path, and for a moment Saccharina thought they’d reached their destination, but he just turned slightly to look at her. “If they’d known she was with child, perhaps they would have tried to sneak her away to Candia. But they couldn’t have known. And they couldn’t have known how the war would turn out.” 

Saccharina nodded, having a fair idea of how the rest of this story played out. She was born on a cold morning, and her mother dealt with the shame of having a child out of wedlock (as far as everyone else knew), and the Ravening War continued to batter the Dairy Islands, and her mother told her that someday, someday, _someday_ it would all end and her father would come and take them away to where it was safe and warm and they would have enough. 

Until her father died in the battle of Pangranos and then everything slowly went terribly wrong from there. 

“Here we are.” Father Belford finally said, gesturing towards a smooth, cream-coloured gravestone. 

_Here lies Catherine Ghee. Beloved mother and wife._

_Born 5th Frostdusk 1168, died 12th Harvestdusk 1196. Age 28._

Quietly, Saccharina did the math.

“... that’s the same year I was sent to the nunnery.” 

Father Belford looked at her with nothing but sadness in her eyes. “The last thing she wanted was to send you away, I can promise you.”

Biting the inside of her cheek, Saccharina could feel her hands become clammy, her feet feel rooted to the spot where she stood. 

“Why did she?” 

There was a long silence, and Saccharina could hear the whistling of the ocean breeze. The ghost of a childhood long lost. 

“She was dying, and she was young, and she was scared.” Father Belford finally said, looking down at the grave wistfully. “I cannot speak to the true reasons behind her choices, but those she freely admitted to. She hoped a nunnery would have more protection than what our humble village could provide.” 

She had been wrong. Her mother couldn’t have known it, but it had been perhaps one of the worst decisions she could have made. 

Saccharina’s entire history, from her parents wedding to now, everything bad that had ever happened to her was all an exercise in what could have been. If only they had known. If only they had done something else. 

She blinked tears from her eyes, staring down at the grave of a mother she could barely remember, before looking back up to Father Belford. “Is there anything else?” 

“... she left me some gifts for you, if you were to ever return. I offered them to Princess Sapphria, but…” 

Sapphria interjected gently, still standing steady by Saccharina’s side. “I thought it would be better for you to receive them as directly as possible when you were ready.” 

Oh. 

Gifts from her mother. For her. Saccharina opened her mouth to say something before closing it, finally nodding dumbly and staring down at the gravestone in a vain attempt to control the emotions that were swiftly rising up. 

Father Belford gave her a wan smile before excusing himself to find the items, slowly making his way back to the church. Sapphria had moved her arm around her and was rubbing loose circles into her shoulder with her thumb, humming a faint, soft tune. Theo was standing a respectful few feet back, looking around the peaceful cemetery with his hands on the hilt of his Battlepop. 

“Would you like a moment alone?” Sapphria whispered, and Saccharina shook her head, exhaling a sobbing breath. Right now, right here, the last thing she wanted was to be alone. 

Instead, she closed her fingers tight around Sapphria’s sleeves, clinging to her aunt as faded and half-forgotten grief welled up anew, mourning the loss of her mother, of her father, of the childhood she might have had, of the pain she might have been able to avoid, of the memories that had long slipped from her mind in the years since she had been sent away from this island. 

They stayed there for a while, and eventually, Saccharina wiped away her tears, sat down in front of the grave, and did ask Sapphria and Theo if she could have some time by herself. They didn’t go far, just to the other end of the cemetery, well within eyesight but out of earshot.

For another minute or so, she sat in silence. 

“I used to be so angry at you.” She whispered, closing her eyes and curling her hands into fists, resting them in her lap. 

The first few years at the nunnery she remembered were blurs of emotion. Fear, grief, anger, loneliness, and losing Lazuli had only compounded it. But she remembered the anger the clearest. Anger at the nuns for hurting her, anger at the world for standing by, anger at the Rocks in Candia for not finding her, anger at Lazuli for leaving her, anger at her mother for dropping her there in the first place. For abandoning her. 

And she couldn’t have known, she couldn’t have known, her mother _loved_ her and she couldn’t have known but she’d done it and there was nothing anyone could do to change that and now she was dead. She had been dead for a long time. 

“I miss you.” 

Flowers bloomed around the gravestone, which was clean and well-tended. Someone had cared for Catherine Ghee’s grave, and for that, Saccharina was grateful. She’d already known from Sapphria that she had no other surviving family. Catherine had been an only child, and her grandparents had died long ago, any aunts, uncles, or cousins too distant or unfamiliar for Catherine to trust. 

Saccharina hoped there had at least been someone there for her mother in the months before she’d died. That someone had been able to hold her hand before she’d gone. She wished it could’ve been her. 

“I love you.” 

Sometimes she wondered what parts of Catherine she’d inherited, besides the obvious Diary Islander genes. She still had traces of an accent, and her hair was long and thick and hung a bit heavier than the Rocks’ did, not as tightly coiled. She remembered a noble once saying she stood like a Dairy Islander, like someone who could be on the deck of a ship in the middle of a storm and not lose their balance, but maybe they had been exaggerating. Her mother hadn’t been a sailor after all. 

But she knew, from people telling her or from looking at his statue for far too long, that she had her father’s smile, and his nose, and apparently one of her fingers would naturally bend a little the way his used to, so maybe the rest of her was her mother. When she laughed maybe it was the same one Catherine would have laughed when her father told a joke, and when she hugged her family maybe it was with the same squeezing grip. 

She was pretty sure she could remember her mother kissing her on the cheek the way she’d do for the twins if they had a scrape they wanted her to heal (she rarely actually healed those, but sometimes a little sparkle was enough to convince them and then they were happy as could be again). 

And she was pretty sure she had her mother’s eyes. She just had a feeling about it. 

Saccharina picked one of the small flowers that grew around the grave, little cheese buds all clumped together. 

“I think you’d’ve liked Candia.” She murmured, before finally standing up. “I have.” 

She was certain Sapphria had noticed her moving as soon as she stood up, but she politely pretended to be completely distracted by the small talk she was making with Theo until Saccharina was all the way to her side.

Sapphria didn’t ask how Saccharina was feeling, or if she needed anything, or if she was ready to go. She simply smiled lightly, and quickly gave the rundown of the story Theo had been telling her, and when Saccharina began to move back towards the church she followed as if she’d been expecting it, one hand at Saccharina’s back like an anchor. 

Father Belford had a small box there waiting for her when they got back, and Saccharina let her aunt take care of the goodbyes and the gratitude, staring down the box. It didn’t weigh very much. 

Before she knew it, they were sailing off again, her hometown disappearing into the waves, and Saccharina was sitting on a bed with the box still in her hands, having not yet made a move to open it. 

“I don’t know if I want to.” She said, almost unintentionally. 

“You don’t have to.” Sapphria was sitting on a chair, close enough to be a comfort, but not smothering. “It’s your choice.”

“Did you have anything like this? From… from my father, and-” Her voice trailed off, because they both knew who she meant. 

Sapphria’s gaze went almost distant for a moment, her eyes flickering away before looking at Saccharina. “We have mementos. Citrina has a lot of them. If you ever want to look at any of Amethar’s things… even Laz or Rococoa’s, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind showing you…” 

Saccharina dropped her eyes down the box. Her father’s old things… trying to think about what she wanted to do with her mother’s was hard enough. At least her mother was for her and her alone to grieve. 

She looked down at the box, and she felt tears beginning to well up again. 

“I just wish-” She choked back a sob, cutting herself off, and didn’t try finishing her sentence.

“Yeah. I know.” Sapphria said quietly, and Saccharina had no idea if she could truly guess what she had been about to say, or if she was thinking about something else entirely. 

Hastily, Saccharina put the box to the side, resting it in the middle of the bed so that it was in no danger of falling off, almost out of her line of vision. She could feel it in the corner of her eyes, but it didn’t seem to sting as bad. 

“I hardly even knew her,” Sacharina said, locking eyes with her aunt. “I’ve known _you_ longer than I ever knew her. I was at the _nunnery_ longer than I was with her. It’s so _unfair_.” 

“I know,” Sapphria said again, and this time Saccharina was at least more confident in what she meant. Her aunt got up from the chair and moved over to sit next to Saccharina on the bed. “I’m sorry, Saccharina.” 

“It’s not your fault.” Saccharina sniffed. Sapphria just smiled sadly, taking one of her hands and squeezing it lightly. 

“I didn’t know your mother, and I cannot speak for her. But I _was_ your father’s favourite sister, so I can safely say that he’d be proud of the young woman you’ve become.” 

Saccharina took a moment for the words to process, and then she couldn’t help but laugh. “He played favourites?”

“Oh, he loved all of us dearly. But I was still his favourite, you can ask Citrina.” Sapphria preened a little bit, and Saccharina wiped at her eyes, her smile faltering as the emotions settled back in a bit. 

“Thanks, Auntie.” She put her arms around Sapphria and hugged her tight, burying her face in the crook of her neck and, for a moment, focusing on nothing but the warmth of the embrace and the gentle rocking of the boat as it headed back towards home. 

For the rest of the trip, Saccharina tried to relax, talking to Sapphria and Theo and the sailors when they had the time. When they got back, she took the still-unopened box of her mother’s final memories and placed them safe in her room, ready for when _she_ was finally ready to open it. She checked in on the twins, she told her family how nice it had been to visit the Dairy Islands again, reassured them that she was handling the entire visit just fine.

And she _did_ ask Citrina whether Amethar had played favourites. After a few minutes of humming and hawing and talking about how different relationships didn’t necessarily mean one was picking favourites, she admitted that yes, he had, and yes, it had been Sapphria. 

* * *

Saccharina had never really celebrated Saint’s Days before she arrived in Candia. She had vague memories of her fourth one, the final one she had with her mother, but remembered little more than being excited for some kind of special treat and a soft song her mother had sung. And they hadn’t even been noted by anyone in the nunnery except to declare that she was now old enough for some new chore or responsibility. 

But the Rocks family definitely celebrated Saint’s Days. Usually, they were personal, with a big fancy meal with the family and presents, and sometimes a trip to somewhere. Citrina’s Saint’s Day was more of a nation-wide affair, a public holiday for everyone in Candia and a feast in the castle.

But important Saint’s Days, like the eighteenth, those ones were big. 

As in, throw a huge massive party in the castle big. With ice sculptures and banners and bands and presents from all over Candia, sent in from both nobles that were trying to butter up to the royal family, and commonfolk offering something they thought she’d like. There was even one from Annabelle, along with a note apologising that she couldn’t attend. Exile was complicated, apparently.

“Not too overwhelming, is it?” 

Saccharina glanced to her side to see Sir Theo, still dressed in full armour like usual, but standing a bit more relaxed. She was close to the edge of the ballroom, listening to the vibrant music play and watching the partygoers — a mixture of Candian nobles, a few foreign guests that Saccharina had invited, and a collection of Dulcington locals, dressed in their finest. 

“Of course not.” Saccharina smiled loosely. It had been a long time since she’d found a party to be too much. “But it does feel different when it’s all for me.” 

Theo nodded understandingly. “It’s been a while since we’ve been able to have a celebration this big. Since you first arrived, actually. And then when the twins were born before that.” 

“And before that?” Saccharina looked out at the crowd, spotting the twins, hand-in-hand with Ruby carrying a plate of food and both of them giggling madly. She elected to ignore whatever they were planning. 

Theo hummed for a moment. “A long time ago.” 

Before the war, then, most likely. That assumption was quickly, if likely unintentionally confirmed for her when Theo continued. “You, and the twins, it’s like a new beginning for all of us.”

Saccharina chuckled. “No pressure.” 

“Oh, I didn’t mean to imply anything-” Theo said quickly. “I meant more… metaphorically?”

“I get it.” Saccharina shrugged. “A new generation, a new start, all that… it was a new beginning for me too.” 

Theo cleared his throat a little awkwardly. “Yes, well. All that to say happy Saint’s Day, Saccharina. It’s been wonderful having you around.” 

“Thanks, Theo.” Saccharina smiled. “I guess I better go enjoy my party, right?” 

“I believe that _is_ the idea of throwing it for you.” 

She snickered, tossing a wave goodbye to Theo before delving into the crowd. Many people were standing in groups chatting around the dance space, which was filled with couples and the occasional small group of younger attendees dancing in their own spaces. 

Saccharina found herself stopped at almost every step, with guests coming up to her left and right to offer her congratulations, wish her a happy year, or just compliment her in general. She accepted it all with a smile and thanks, sometimes striking up a short conversation before moving on. By the time she finally managed to make it up to one of her family members, she’d managed to collect five boxes (gifts from people that thought they were too important to pass their gift to one of the many attendants that had been collecting them) and a glass of cider.

“You certainly look like you’ve been busy.” Caramelinda said, one eyebrow raised. She was holding a half-empty glass of her own, and seemed to be mostly content watching the room. Sir Amanda was close by, hovering behind her with her armour on like Theo. 

“Oh yes, people just love me. I believe I’m already up to three marriage proposals, some more subtle than others.” Saccharina joked, looking around for an attendant that seemed free at the moment.

Caramelinda spotted one first, waving him over so that he could take the boxes from Saccharina, nodding politely when she thanked him. 

“If anyone is giving you any problems you can just let me know,” Caramelinda said surreptitiously, and Saccharina just shook her head. She had a feeling Caramelinda meant sending Sir Amanda to deal with the problem, most likely through thinly veiled threats and, if that didn’t work, a quick escort to the exit. 

“Nothing I can’t handle. Don’t want to cause a scene at my own party.” She said with a shrug.

“We don’t want you to be uncomfortable at your own party either,” Caramelinda added.

“I’m not,” Saccharina said genuinely. “It’s all been great.” 

Caramelinda nodded, looking Saccharina up and down, absent-mindedly adjusting the royal cloak Saccharina was wearing around her shoulders. “I’m glad. You look beautiful.” 

Saccharina’s smile widened, feeling the warmth from the compliment settle in her heart. “Thanks, Auntie.” 

“It’s hard to believe time’s gone so quickly.” Caramelinda sighed lightly. 

“Just wait til the twins turn eighteen.”

“Oh, I do not want to imagine them as adults just yet.” Caramelina shook her head, but her voice was light-hearted. “They’re almost as old as you were when you first got here, that’s enough of a shock for me.” 

Saccharina blinked, belatedly realising that Caramelinda was right. The twins were nine now, and they’d be turning ten later this year. Not only that, but in only another couple of years, Saccharina would have spent half of her entire life in Candia. Soon, everything before that was going to be only a minority of her life. 

Looking out at the crowd, Saccharina took a moment to find the twins again, eventually locating them chatting animatedly with a small collection of other noble children, with wide hand gestures indicative of a very creative and likely half-false story. 

“They’ll be fine.” Saccharina waved a hand. “I’ve turned out pretty perfect, if I do say so myself.” 

Caramelinda’s smile softened. “You’ve turned out wonderfully. We’re all lucky to have you.” 

They stood together for some time, Caramelinda and Sir Amanda’s presence enough to stop most people from trying any sly political offers, before Jet and Ruby insisted on dragging Saccharina to dance with them, bragging about how incredible she was to all the other children their age that had piggybacked off their parents' invitation. 

The rest of the party was almost a blur, full of dances with the twins (together and individually), a score of other party attendees, each of her aunts at least once, even Theo. When she got tired of dancing there was food to try, speeches to listen to, and thanks to be given. Even after midnight had long passed and it was technically no longer her Saint’s Day, the celebration continued.

However, like all good things, it eventually came to an end. The final note played, guests slowly filtered out of the ballroom, the twins had been trundled off to bed hours ago, and Saccharina thought her feet might fall off if she stayed standing a single second longer.

But before she could head for her room and collapse on her bed, Citrina gently took her hand. “We have a present to give to you, if you’re up for it.”

Saccharina blinked blearily at her aunt, then looked in the vague direction of the spare room where all of her Saint’s Day gifts had been collected. She’d had a peek inside the room a little earlier in the night, it was nearly packed. 

“It’s… not exactly a regular kind of gift.” Sapphria sidled up next to her sister, a sly smile on her face but softness in her eyes. 

Saccharina _was_ tired. Very tired. But now her curiosity was piqued, and so she nodded, following her aunts through the castle, not to her bedroom, but to the throne room. 

It was quiet, shadows playing on the walls and most of the room dark but for the area around the actual thrones. Saccharina was getting more intrigued by the second, trying to work out what kind of present required a dramatic location. 

Then she noticed that there was a long wooden box sitting at the foot of the royal thrones. Glancing towards her aunts and getting a nod of permission, she stepped towards the box, sliding the lid off.

Inside was a long, golden sword that could only truly be described as massive, with a thick hilt that had a dark purple gem inlaid, and tiny scratches peppered along the metal from use. It was blunt, but it didn’t need to be sharp to be deadly. 

“Payment Day.” Saccharina whispered, almost reverently. She had recognised the sword instantly, because she had seen it being held by her father on his statue every time she visited the crypts. But she’d never considered where the actual sword was. Perhaps she’d assumed he’d been buried with it. 

“Amethar received it on his eighteenth Saint’s Day too,” Citrina said, a wistful smile on her face. 

“A break in tradition, but Dad wasn’t using it,” Sapphria added, her hands behind her back. 

“But…” Saccharina didn’t even dare touch it, simply staring at the weapon nestled safely inside the box. “It’s one of the heirloom weapons, it’s supposed to stay within the direct line of succession-”

“And if Jet ever has a son then you can pass it on to him if you wish,” Citrina said softly. “But this was your father’s weapon. It belongs to you.” 

Saccharina could blame the tears welling in her eyes on the tiredness, but she looked back down at Payment Day to hide them anyway. “I- there’s no way I’d be able to use it. It’s massive!” 

“Sometimes the point of a weapon isn’t to use it.” Sapphria knelt down next to Saccharina, putting a warm hand on her back. “And knowing your father, he would have tried to give this to you anyway at some point, tradition or no.” 

“Or maybe he would have gotten a miniature version made.” Citrina knelt down at her other side, her smile widening. “But he definitely would have wanted you to have this now.” 

Saccharina didn’t spend as much time wondering about what having her father would have been like as she used to. She had her aunts, she had her cousins, she had a home. But sometimes the lack of her father still hit her deeply, and when she imagined a younger Amethar, the same age as she was now, receiving Payment Day from _his_ father, it hit. 

She slid one hand underneath the handle of the sword, and the other underneath the blade. It wasn’t quite as heavy as she expected, though still far too much for her to ever be able to reliably use as a weapon herself, except maybe as a club. 

“He broke three windows in his first week with that thing.” Sapphria broke the solemn silence with her very matter-of-fact statement, and after a moment, Citrina poorly stifled a laugh, eliciting another from Saccharina even as she sniffled. 

“He was so excited to finally have a magical weapon of his own,” Citrina said, wiping the corner of her eye.

“Did you all already have one?” Saccharina asked.

“Oh, everyone but me,” Sapphria said, rolling her eyes a little. “Rococoa had had Flickorice since she was sixteen, Lazuli enchanted her own magic bow all by herself, and Citrina had her book. I had to annoy Lazuli for three months after Amethar got Payment Day before she finally enchanted my daggers for me.” 

“And then you broke _four_ windows in your first week of having them,” Citrina said. 

“Well, I wasn’t going to let Amethar beat me.”

“You were twenty-one, not twelve.” 

Sapphria just shrugged, and Saccharina rubbed at her eyes while laughing, not really trying to stop any tears from falling, but also feeling like it would be somehow sacrilegious if any fell on her father’s sword. Her sword… no, it still felt like her father’s. 

Maybe someday it wouldn’t, but right now it still did. Her father’s sword, but under her care. 

“Thank you.” She said, looking up at Sapphria, then Citrina. “For- so much.” 

“Oh, Saccharina.” Citrina placed a hand on her shoulder. “The pleasure was all ours.”

“I mean, you didn’t even know I existed. You didn’t have to go looking for my mother, or-” She took a breath. “Sorry, sorry-”

“You don’t need to apologise.” Citrina said softly, but Sapphria had tilted her head.

“I had to go looking more than you know.” She said quietly, removing her hand from Saccharina’s back and glancing away for a moment before looking back. “But whatever the reasons, it was one of the best things I ever did.” 

Saccharina wiped tears from her eyes with one hand, before carefully lifting Payment Day up to put it back in its box and then throwing her arms around Sapphria in a tight hug.

“Thank you-” She squeezed tight, and it only took a moment for Sapphria to hug her back. “I love you guys so much-”

“And we love you even more in return,” Sapphria whispered. “Happy Saint’s Day, Saccharina.” 

Eventually, they’d get up, and her aunts would help her carry the box to her room before she passed out from exhaustion, and the next day she’d decide whether she wanted to display it or not, and show it off to the twins and anyone else who happened to be walking around, and tomorrow night she’d take it down to the crypts and stand in front of the statue of her father and promise him that she’d take care of it for him.

But for that moment, Saccharina was embraced by her aunts, safe in her home, with the memory of her parents watching over her, and her heart was filled with the support and affection from her family that she had always wanted, that she had always had ever since the first day she had set foot in Castle Candy. And she was loved.

**Author's Note:**

> shoutout to Patita, the artist who was paired for this fic!!! Find them at @senorita-patita on tumblr!!!! 
> 
> and if you lik fun self-indulgent niche aus hmu on twitter at @sapphriarocks (can you tell who my favourite acoc character is) because i can and will talk for ages about them


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